


Not in Love

by reidingrainbow



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Grinding, M/M, Miscommunication, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 37,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27638572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reidingrainbow/pseuds/reidingrainbow
Summary: Karl has possibly the most boring life ever. That is until he meets Sapnap, who changes everything for him.High School AU
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 1900
Kudos: 4592
Collections: Not in Love- Fanfic and related works !





	1. Monotony

**Author's Note:**

> Hello beautiful people! I'm crediting this plot idea to my friend Haley! She gave me this idea! I hope you enjoy it!

Karl’s life averages out to one word: simple.

He is, as his best friend Alex would put it, painstakingly boring. He’s got grades high enough to get him into any Ivy in the country, he plays chess on the weekends, and he’s on the debate team. Yes, the debate team. Even his mother gave him a sour expression when he told her that one.

And honestly, Karl doesn’t mind that much. It’s what he’s good at, so he’s perfectly content with being the poster boy for cliché nerds. He’s never been good at sports, or anything physical for that matter; Last time he tried to play basketball was in middle school, and he ended up tripping over his own foot and with a ball to the face. He’s not edgy, he’s not popular, but he’s undeniably himself, and really that’s all that matters.

There’s another thing that makes Karl a boring individual, and that’s the fact that he has no love life. He’s never really seen the appeal of dating people and making out in the back of cars in the pitch black. He’s never felt the comfort of a handhold and the only people he kisses are his family and Alex when he begs. Hell, Karl doesn’t think he’s ever had a real crush on someone. His friends tease him for this, but it doesn’t bother him. It’s just one of his attributes. He’s a good boy and he’d like to keep it that way.

Karl grips the straps of his backpack as he walks into school, heading straight for his locker. It’s a Monday, and although the vast majority despises Mondays, Karl quite likes them. Mondays are debate days. Debate days are good days.

He rounds the corner and spots Alex and his other best friend George, seemingly having a heated conversation against the metal frame of his locker. They got lucky this year; All their lockers are smooshed together in a neat row. He likes being close to them. They make him feel safe.

As he approaches, he can hear their conversation more clearly. “Please, George, for the love of God! Shut up! It’s way too early- “

“It’s never too early to talk about- “George tries to respond, but Alex reaches forward and covers the boy’s mouth with his hand.

Karl giggles softly as George’s yells are muffled, “Hi guys! What are we talking about?”

“Oh god, you don’t wanna know. George won’t shut up about the stupid football game on Friday.” Alex’s eyes widen comically. Karl watches George’s eyes narrow, and then Alex is suddenly squealing in disgust, ripping his hand from the smaller boy’s face. “George, what the fuck! You licked me!”

“You were obstructing my first amendment rights!”

“You licked me!”

Karl watches the exchange unfold for a few moments, Alex’s pure exasperation making him chuckle, before interrupting, “Uh guys? Care to fill me in?”

George turns to Karl with a gleam in his eye, “You know how we went to the game Friday?”

Karl nods. He was invited, they always try to include him in everything they do together, but he hates football games, with their loud cheering and greasy food. He didn’t understand the appeal of watching guys with shoulder pads run across a field. He stayed home and did his homework, as usual.

“Well,” George giggles, “After the game, I got some balls and went up to Dream.”

Karl raises his eyebrows. Clay, or more commonly known as Dream, was the captain of the football team, and the only reason Karl knew that was because he overhears people whispering about his superiority in the halls. Karl had no interest in knowing anything about him or the team.

“You’ve got balls?” Alex asks. George shoves him into the lockers with a scowl.

“Shut up, Alex,” George glares before turning back to Karl. “Anyways, I went up to Dream and told him he did an amazing job and he said, ‘Thank you, George,’. He knows my name! He actually knows my name! I couldn’t believe it…”

Karl zones out of the conversation for a moment to open his locker. As much as he loves George, the guy was boy crazy. George may be a nerd like him, but he’s gotten a lot more action than Karl will ever get. He’s got way more charm and is an expert on flirting, and Karl honestly doesn’t understand how he does it.

He manages to get his books out of his locker and turns around. George is still mumbling breathlessly about Dream, and Karl chuckles at Alex’s annoyed expression. “That’s nice, Gogy. I hope he likes you back.”

George beams brightly and links his arm in Karl’s as they start the walk to homeroom, Alex hot on their heels, “Thanks, Karl. You’re such a good friend. Y’know, if you want me to set you up, Dream has a lot of cute friends. I’m sure one of them would be good enough for your impossibly high standards.”

“I don’t have high standards. I don’t even have standards.” Karl defends, Alex laughing from behind them. He turns to glare, “I don’t!”

“Sure you don’t, sweetie.” George giggles, patting his arm softly. “Okay, so let me tell you about everyone on the team. So, there’s Clay, but obviously he’s mine, and then there’s Luke. He’s the quarterback…”

Karl sighs. It’s gonna be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter is boring cause its the intro I am very sorry I promise it will get better)  
> Fun fact monotonous is my favorite word. Also, I know nothing about football so if someone wants to help me out and tell me what goes on in that sport I'd appreciate it.
> 
> Follow my Twitter- @jilchamp


	2. Nose Bleeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood

Karl was right. It was a long day.

He’s got three reading assignments from English Composition and World History. He has a ton of Precalculus to complete by Wednesday, and a whole lab report to type out in Chemistry. He’s used to the workload, he was taking honors and advanced courses, so he expected it, but seeing his planner fill up with work makes him anxious. He’s just super glad that Thanksgiving Break is coming soon.

He puts the books that he doesn’t need for the night in his locker before heading to the room where the debate club takes place every week. Both Alex and George are in the club, along with some of his other friends, like Tommy and Tubbo, who have so much energy after school hours that Karl can’t even comprehend it. He’s ready to be near them all again, he hasn’t seen them since lunch and he missed them.

He walks to the door where the club should be, but instead of finding a group of people arguing at two making-shift podiums, he sees a sign that says “Debate Club moved to Room 251”, which is on the second floor of the building and on the opposite side. Karl huffs, he’s already running a bit behind and he hates being late.

He starts his trek up the stairs, being mindful that he has absolutely no coordination and a severe lack of balance. He watches his feet step up each stair, his converse making a weird squeaking noise with every stride. He’s so focused on not tripping and making a fool of himself in front of the few people in the halls that he doesn’t see the person coming directly down the stairs in his path until he’s being knocked back, the folder that he has in his hand flying everywhere and a dull throb in his nose.

“I’m so sorry!” The person in front of him says frantically, bending down to pick up the debate papers that are scattered all over the stairs. Karl’s hands are cupped over his nose in pain; He really hopes he’s not bleeding, because that wouldn’t be good. He doesn’t really do well with blood.

His folder is being handed to him with shaky hands when Karl finally snaps his eyes up to the other person. He’s tall, very tall, and broad in all the right places. He’s got small bright green eyes and wispy facial hair on his jawline. He looks incredibly nervous, which Karl can relate to. “H-Here. I’m really sorry, I should’ve paid more attention to where I was walking.”

“N-No, it's my fault. I was looking at my feet.” Karl replies anxiously. He takes his hand off his face to grab the folder out of the stranger’s hand, but he spots a pool of red on him and he feels his head begin to spin. “Oh god, I’m- “

The stranger reaches out and grabs his forearm. “-You’re bleeding. Sorry, you look really pale now and I didn’t want you to fall backward.”

Karl is grateful that the boy stayed because his legs feel very unstable at the moment. He can feel the warmth dripping from his nose and onto his upper lip. “I-I’m not very good with blood.”

“Do you want me to walk you to the nurse?” Karl pales more at the question. “No? Okay, the bathroom is right there. Let me help you clean up in there, at least.”

Karl is pretty sure he nods, but honestly, he feels a little out of it. Some boy that ran into him is now dragging him to the men’s bathroom on the first floor and Karl can feel the throbbing of his face. The hand on his tightens as he enters the cold bathroom. He’s directed to lean against the counter, and he watches with splotchy vision as the boy dispenses some paper towels and reaches them towards Karl.

There’s an awkward silence between them as the boy gently pats Karl’s face, soaking up the blood. His other hand is a steadying force on the back of Karl’s head. “I’m really sorry about this.”

“It’s okay, really. I’m pretty clumsy.” Karl replies, clasping his hands together because he has nowhere else to place them. They’re standing close together and Karl can smell the boy’s aftershave. He’s got long eyelashes.

“I’m Nick,” The boy introduces himself finally. “Most people call me Sapnap, though.”

The name rings some alarms in Karl’s brain because he’s pretty sure this is the Sapnap George told him about in his twenty-minute football team ramble this morning. He feels his heart rate pick up a bit. “H-Hi, I’m Karl. Karl Jacobs.”

Nick laughs, “We probably should’ve done introductions before I dragged you in the bathroom.”

“Maybe,” Karl giggles as Sapnap continues to wipe the blood from around his nose. “How are you so good at this?”

Nick removes his hand to wet another paper towel under the sink. “Let’s just say I play a contact sport. I get nosebleeds pretty commonly.”

Karl exhales: So, this is the Nick George was referring to. “Well, I get injuries all the time too, and the most vigorous activity I do is argue with Tommy every week.”

That makes Sapnap laugh even harder. Karl decides that he really likes the sound, in all its raspy glory. “That’s a pretty tough activity, dude. You’re brave. You do that willingly?”

“Yeah. I’m the president of the debate club.” Karl says before his eyes widen. Oh shoot, debate club. He moves Sapnap’s hand from his face to look down at his watch. He’s a half-hour late already. He winces, “I’m late for debate club! Oh no, oh no! I have to go!”

Nick takes a couple of steps back from him as Karl turns to look in the mirror. His nose looks a little puffy and it’s still a bit painful to the touch, but all the blood is gone. “Oh, well you’re good to go. You might be a bit bruised and it may be hard to smell for the next day or two, but that’s normal.”

“Thank you!” Karl rushes out of his mouth, grabbing his folder off the counter and his bag off the ground. “I owe you one, seriously.”

“No, don’t worry about it,” Sapnap replies sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “See you around.”

Karl gives him a small wave and practically runs out of the room and up the stairs, surprisingly not missing any steps or running into any more people. By the time he gets to the room, he’s forty minutes late and Tommy and George are debating, something George never does unless someone is missing. He walks into the room and everyone turns to look at him.

“Well look who decided to show up?” Tommy smirks. Karl bites his lower lip and sets his bag down next to the other ones against the wall. He walks to the front of the classroom as Tommy continues, “Forty fucking minutes, Karl. You know I hate debating this imbecile.”

“Likewise, dumbass.” George retorts, rolling his eyes at the blond before looking at Karl with a pleading expression. “Where were you?”

“I, uh, ran into something and hurt myself,” Karl gives a pained look. He really doesn’t want to go into the embarrassing details of his major stair catastrophe in front of the entire debate team. He can hear Tommy laughing at him and Tubbo chuckling softly from the back of the room and he shuts his eyes, mortified.

Luckily, Alex seems to understand how traumatized he is and steps in, “Hey guys, shut the fuck up. How about we cut him some slack and let Tommy and Gogy continue.”

The room buzzes with silence for a moment before people start to mumble in agreement. Karl opens his eyes and gives Alex and thankful smile, one that’s returned to him. He’s so grateful for Alex, always.  
He takes a deep breath and listens to the debate happening in front of him. He wants to forget that any of that happened earlier. It's not like he’ll ever see Nick again.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda made Tommy seem mean in this but in reality, he's my favorite cc and I just think he's really salty to everyone, out of love. Also, I don't know Sapnap's eye color. I asked my gc and we had an entire debate about it. If I find out I can always edit it !!
> 
> Thank you for the love!!


	3. Negotiations

Wrong.

It’s been a few days since Nick crossed Karl’s mind. He spent the night after the incident reliving it moment by moment, trying to decipher if he made a complete fool out of himself or not. He could hardly sleep that night, the cycle of embarrassment and shame blocking his hormone receptors from attaching to melatonin.

It’s a Thursday, and Karl is spending his free period in the library. He’s extremely grateful for the alone time, especially because his lunch period was split between listening to George ramble about Dream’s perfectly blond hair and Tommy’s incessant need to throw his food at Tubbo every two seconds. There’s only so much the mind can take, and Karl thought his brain was going to explode in the middle of the smelly cafeteria.

So, he hides in the library. He’s got a small table in the corner, between History and Nonfiction. It’s cozy and tight and he’s boxed in by all the shelves. The smell of aged books and old carpeting swirls around his nose. No one can find him here and he’s so content with that fact. It’s perfection, absolute perfection to him, the most wonderful place to sit and be alone in his own head for a while.

He chews on the end of his pencil as his eyes flit between pages of his history textbook. His legs are tucked beneath him on the wooden chair. It’s kind of cold in the library today, so he’s glad he’s got a sweater on; It’s dark blue and the sleeves cover his hands dramatically, but it's warm and makes him feel small and safe. He’s got an exam tomorrow that counts for a good majority of his grade and he wants to study, even though he knows almost every ounce of the material already.

He’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t hear the chair opposite him being pulled from the table or the sound of keys on the hardwood. He doesn’t look up until he feels something tapping his hand, which is pressing down the thick number of pages of his book. He snaps his head up abruptly and is met with those green eyes that haunt him in his nightmares. “Hiya, Nosebleed!”

Karl grimaces at the nickname. “Uhm, hi Nick.”

Sapnap gives him a smile. Karl surveys him subtly; He’s got a black turtleneck on, a silver chain looped around his neck. A white bandana holds his curls off his face. He doesn’t really give off the vibe of a football player, not that Karl would know, but he finds it to be interesting. Sapnap leans on the table with his elbows, “Whatcha doing here all by yourself?”

“I’m studying,” Karl replies, although he’s not anymore. “I have a history exam tomorrow.”

Sapnap suddenly reaches across the table, so fast that Karl hasn’t even comprehended it until his book is gone from in front of him. The boy begins messing with the textbook and Karl tries to reach for it, but Nick holds it at a safe distance away. Karl pouts, “Could you give that back? I just said I was trying to study.”

The smile on Sapnap’s face drops and Karl immediately feels like he was a bit too harsh. The boy hands him the book back with a sheepish expression written on his face, “Oh yeah, sorry.”

Karl takes the book out of his hands. Their fingertips brush. “Are you always this open with people you just met?”

“No,” Nick replies, his face serious.

Karl doesn’t know how to process his answer. “Oh.”

There’s a moment of silence between them, where Karl just stares at Nick, waiting for a response. He watches the other boys’ cheeks go rosy. “I can just tell we’re gonna be great together.”

It’s in that moment Karl feels something he’s never felt before: heat. It rushes over his skin like a wildfire, out of control and it burns a bit in his lungs. He feels his heart skip a few beats. He tries to push the feeling down as he breaks his eye contact and bites at his lip. He hated every second of that, whatever it was.

Luckily, Nick doesn’t seem to notice his tiny mental breakdown and changes directions, “So, what are you doing on Friday?”

Karl lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I'll be at home doing homework.”

Nick chuckles, “So since you’ll be doing nothing- “

“I won’t be doing nothing.”

“-you should come to the football game next Friday.”

Karl freezes. That was the last question he expected to come out of Sapnap’s mouth. “I don’t like football.”

“You don’t have to go for the football.” Nick retorts.

Karl’s face scrunches in confusion. “Isn’t that the whole point of going to a football game? To watch the football?”

“Well yeah,” Nick laughs again. The sound rings in Karl’s ears. “but you could just go for me.”

The feeling returns, hitting him square in the chest at full speed. It actually hurts him a bit, the way it punches him in the diaphragm so hard he feels it all the way up his throat. It fizzes on his tongue. It's stuck between his teeth. He tries to play it cool, but the heat surrounds him. “Wh-Why would I do that?”

“Because I asked you to.” Nick beams. “You said you owed me one yesterday.”

“And you said not to worry about it!” Karl protests, but Sapnap is giving him the softest puppy dog eyes and he feels himself caving. “Fine. I'll take it into consideration.”

Karl watches the pink climb Sapnap’s cheeks again. He wonders if that’s what he looks like at the moment. “Cool. Sounds really, really cool.”

They stare at each other for a moment, their silence shrouded in awkwardness. Karl didn’t know eyes could be that green. Nick breaks the spell, “Do you need help studying?”

“Not particularly, no,” Karl says and quickly regrets it because of the way Nick’s face drops. “but if you want to stay you can, I guess.”

“No, I don’t want to interrupt you any further.” Sapnap stands and grabs his keys off the table. Karl thinks he’s upset him, and he starts to panic, trying to think of something to say to make it right when the boy turns around, “I'll see you around, Nosebleed.”

Karl giggles, “You should stop calling me that.”

He gets a wink in return. The fire starts to spread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally so proud of this chapter PLEASE.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Perplexed

He can’t get it out of his head.

The blush, the turtleneck, his laugh, _the wink_. They all circle his brain like vultures over roadkill. He feels like he’s been run over by a dozen semi-trucks. His brain swells with the memory of their fingertips brushing, the feeling of Sapnap’s hand on the back of his head, his fingers twisting in the curls behind his neck.

What is this? This feeling that remains in the pit of his stomach when he passes the football flyers taped to the walls or when he hears the sound of keys rattling in the distance. He’s so utterly distracted, and he feels like a fool; He’s known Nick for five days. Five. Not even a week. He’s got to be the most naïve boy on the planet.

He can’t remember anything that happened today, too focused on pulling himself out of yesterday and into the present. He hasn’t been very successful so far, but at least his history exam went well. At least, he thinks it did. His mind sounds like static.

He’s currently standing outside the entrance to the school. It’s windy; It blows through his curls and he pulls his beanie further over his skull to secure it. Fall is bleeding into winter and Karl is excited to pull out of all his crazy sweaters. He’s got a plaid one on today over a collared shirt, tucked into his jeans. He’s waiting for Alex, who said something about using the bathroom before they walk back to his house. George would usually join them, but the boy had texted them earlier about having to stay after school for something and that he would catch up with them later.

Karl hears loud footsteps behind him, and he turns to see Alex stumbling down the steps of the courtyard at full speed. He grins because watching his friend run is one of the most chaotic and entertaining things he’s ever witnessed. “That was the longest pee you’ve ever taken.”

Alex is bent over, his hands on his knees as he pants to catch his breath, “Sh-Shut up! I’ve been holding it since lunch! Not all of us can have strong bladders.”

Karl rolls his eyes with a giggle and pulls on the little puffball attached to Alex’s beanie, “Cmon, let's go to your house. We’ve gotta call Guinness and tell them you’ve broken the world record for the longest bathroom break.”

Alex stands and smacks Karl in the shoulder, coaxing another giggle from the boy’s lips. “So what video games are we playing?”

“You can play whatever games you want,” Karl laughs as they begin their trek towards the front gates. “I’m gonna camp out at your desk and finish my math homework.”

“Oh, come on,” Alex whines, throwing his head back dramatically. “It’s Friday! Can’t you just drop the homework for a fucking hour and pay video games with your best friend. I mean Jesus Christ, Karl you...”

Alex suddenly fades out and Karl feels himself locking onto the figure standing across the courtyard with a grey cable-knit sweater on and a football helmet dangling in his grip. He stands out surrounded by a group of people and Karl’s chest tightens. _When did it get so warm outside?_

It’s like slow-motion the way their eyes meet, the pull so intense that Karl doesn’t dare fight it. They lock and he freezes, and he feels his face heating up more and more with each passing moment until Sapnap gives him a smile. It’s so minuscule that Karl thinks he imagined it, but either way, Karl returns it subtly. He feels lightheaded in the best way possible.

“Karl? Karl!” He hears his name being called and against his will, he tears his eyes away and toward his friend.

“Huh?”

Alex raises his eyebrows. He grabs Karl’s arm and starts dragging him to the sidewalk. “You zoned me out for like two minutes. Who was that?”

Karl bites his lip. He debates lying for a moment, but he knows in the end that will get him nowhere, so he cracks, “That’s the boy that I ran into on Monday.”

“The one that almost broke your nose? Why were you staring at him?” Alex asks. His face starts in confusion, but Karl watches it slowly contort into a knowing smirk. “Oh my god, you like him.”

Karl’s eyes widen in fear, “Wh-What? I do not like him, not in the way you’re referring to at least. I just met him- “

“And you’re catching feelings.” Alex finishes, cutting him off. Karl huffs as he continues, “When we get to my house, you’re totally spilling your guts.”

The rest of the walk is silent. Karl can hear his converse shuffling on the concrete as he tries to write himself a monologue for how he’s going to get himself out of this situation. He doesn’t like Sapnap, human emotions can’t work that fast. He doesn’t even know the guy, not really. He just knows that he plays football, has a cool sense of style, and has possibly the best laugh in the world. He won’t be saying that last point, though, at least not out loud.

_Why was Sapnap even there? Why is he always around now?_ It’s like his brain is hyper fixated on spotting the boy in every crowd. He’d never seen him before Monday and now he’s everywhere all the time. He’s all over Karl and Karl doesn’t have the strength to get him off.

By the time they make it to Alex’s room, Karl is a nervous wreck. He sets his bag down by the door and kicks off his shoes before plopping on Alex’s bed, hugging himself tightly. Alex sits next to him and places a hand on his knee. “Karl, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Karl says. “I guess I just don’t know what to say to you.”

Alex gives him a smile. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but you know I'll listen. You know, if you like him it's not a bad thing, right? It just means you’re developing into something greater than your current self.”

“I know,” Karl replies softly. “I’m just out of my element, I guess. It’s strange, the way I can’t seem to stop thinking about every interaction we’ve had, even if the numbers are few. Maybe it's just because something interesting is finally happening to me and I don’t want to let that go so soon.”

“Maybe,” Alex says. Karl places his hand on top of his friends. “Either way, it's okay. Tell me about him.”

So, Karl does. He sits there, talking about the specks of blue in Sapnap’s eyes. He tells Alex the story of their first meeting and the conversation in the library. He tells him about the nickname and the teasing and Alex listens and doesn’t interrupt. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, overturning every inner thought he’s had the past week, but when he’s done, he feels a weight lifted off his shoulders.

“So, you’re going to the football game Friday?” Alex asks.

Karl pulls his hand off to smack Alex in the chest. “That’s all you got from all of that? Seriously?”

Alex chuckles and slides off the edge of his bed to his feet. “No, I got a lot more.”

“And are you going to tell me?” Karl looks up at him with pleading eyes. He wants some clarity, just an ounce.

But Alex shakes his head, “No, I don’t think I will. I think this is something you should decipher on your own.”

“But- “

“No buts.” Alex extends his hands to Karl and Karl takes them. He’s pulled off the mattress. “Come play Minecraft with me.”

Karl sighs and follows Alex to his computer. He’s right back where he started.

Clueless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the is the longest chapter I've written so far. Also I figured out how to do italics on here which is cool!
> 
> Quackity and Karl are my fav duo!! Thank you for reading !!


	5. Break Ins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW/ Mentions of sex

Bright light hit Karl’s face. He slowly peels his eyes open and turns so his back is away from the window. He wishes he could sleep forever, honestly.

The clock on his wall reads 8:43 and he groans. He should be sleeping in, it’s a Saturday and he’s got nothing important to do, but his body clock absolutely despises him and makes him wake up at ungodly times.

He drags himself out of bed. The hoodie he was wearing is suddenly much too uncomfortable, so he pulls it off before shuffling to the bathroom. Here, he brushes his teeth and washes his face, and does all the other normal morning routine things he does every morning. He’s got a set schedule, a set procedure. His mind works in shapes and patterns and he likes to stay on track and organized in almost every aspect of his life. It’s ingrained in him.

He ends up in the kitchen. His mom has already gone for work, a small pink note left on the kitchen island telling him to have a great day. She’s hardly ever home and Karl never really sees her, but he doesn’t mind too much. They try to communicate as often as possible and he appreciates all her hard work. She really is the most hardworking person he knows.

Karl pulls out some pans from under the stove and sets them on the counter. He can cook surprisingly well, which comes as a shock to most people. He enjoys cooking; It’s relaxing, the creation of new things. It’s chemistry, edible chemistry, and Karl loves every second of watching dough rise or water boil. He especially loves pancakes, which is why he grabs the batter and the blueberries and gets to mixing.

He’s so focused that he doesn’t hear his front door open and close. He turns to start pouring the batter into his heated pan and he screams, dropping his bowl on the floor. “George! What are you doing in my house?!”

His best friend stands in front of him with a dazed grin, his hair flopping in front of his face. He’s got an oversized green hoodie on that Karl has never seen in his life. “Karl! I have amazing news!”

“How did you get in my house?” Karl asks again. He bends down to pick up the bowl, which thankfully has only lost a little of its contents.

“I know where your second key is, silly.” George laughs. He takes a seat at the island. “Wanna hear my good news? It involves you.”

That raises a lot of alarms in Karl’s brain. George involving him in things can be a bad situation. “Uhm, sure.”

“So, you know how I stayed after school on Friday for something important? Well, that important thing was Dream,” George’s face lights up as he talks. Karl’s disgust is probably evident on in face because George adds, “Not like that! I meant he wanted to talk to me after, so I stayed, and guess what! He asked me on a date! We’re going to the movies!”

Karl lets out a sigh. He did not want to hear anything about George’s sex life this early in the morning, so he’s glad it was something a lot milder. He’s actually very happy for George, the boy deserves something good in his life after all his previous failed relationships, and he seems to really like Dream. He hopes this one lasts. He _really_ can't keep track anymore. “That’s great, George! Why did you have to break into my house to tell me that?”

“Dramatic effect,” George shrugs. “Besides, I haven’t even gotten to the best part!”

The nerves come back. “Which is?”

George shakes his hands with excitement. “You get to come with me! Isn’t that great!”

Karl’s face drops. “Wh-What? What do you mean I get to come with you?”

“Well, you see. The thing is,” George leans on his elbows, “my mom won’t let me go by myself without meeting him, and I don’t want her to meet Dream yet cause that’s fucking weird. So, I made a deal with her and told her I’d bring you with me.”

“Why me?!” Karl yelps.

“Because if I brought Alex, he’d spend the entire time analyzing the movie!” George says in response. He grabs Karl’s hand from across the island. “Please, Karl! You’ve gotta come with me!”

Karl throws his head back. “You always bring me into all your drama, George! Always!”

“No, I don’t! Name one time!”

“How about that time when you stole Tubbo’s notebook and you made me body block you in the hallway when Tommy came after you?” Karl recounts as he watches George turn red. “Or that one time when you made me run to Walgreens at one in the morning because you were with Wilbur and you didn’t have any- “

“Okay, I get it!” George shouts and holds his hands out. “Look, I need you okay? He’s gonna bring a friend too, so you won’t be third-wheeling! I'll owe you one!”

“You’ll owe me three, actually,” Karl says. He picks up his bowl again and he realizes he forgot the stove was on, so he starts to pour the batter in the pan. “When is this happening?”

George smiles as he pulls on the string of his hoodie. “Tomorrow night at nine.”

Karl’s eyes widen. “Tomorrow! George!”

“Cmon Karl! _Please!_ ”

Karl contemplates it for a moment as he flips his first batch of pancakes. He wants to help George out, he really does want to be a good friend, but staying out late with some football players doesn’t really seem like a good time to him. He can already feel the anxiety bubbling in his stomach, threatening to rise. He shatters, finally. “Fine, I'll come with you, but only because you need the adult supervision.”

“We’re not even adults yet,” George rebuttals.

Karl rolls his eyes. His pancakes are done, so he uses his spatula to scoop them up and place them on a plate. “Age is just a number, George. I act like an adult. You act like a wild teenager.”

“That’s because I am a teenager, and I think you meant horny.” George grins. He reaches over the island to grab a pancake off the plate, Karl too slow to stop him. “You're coming over and helping me pick an outfit, by the way. It needs to be perfect, so I was thinking…”

Karl stuffs a pancake in his mouth as he inactively listens. How he gets himself in these situations, he’ll never understand. All he knows is tomorrow is going to be the most awkward experience of his life, and he's had a lot of those. He’s not looking forward to third-wheeling with George and Dream, and he’s hoping the other person is someone decent so that he has someone to share in his pain.

He’s really hoping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very boring in my opinion but it was needed for the next chapter, which I am super excited about! I'm on Thanksgiving break now so my updates will be a lot more frequent!
> 
> Thank you for all the love so far! It makes me really happy that people are enjoying this book!


	6. Enlightenment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update bc i love you :D

Karl contemplates how he got into this situation.

He’s currently standing next to George, who is rocking on his heels nervously, in the middle of the movie theater lobby. He has two tickets in his hand, one for him and one for the random stranger that’s appearing with Dream. He’s anxious solely because he has to socialize with people that aren’t in his close-knit circle, and that’s extremely risky to him. Karl doesn’t live a very high-risk lifestyle.

His eyes keep dancing around the room, wanting to get this over with. George insisted on being early, and he also insisted that Karl not make a fool out of himself in front of Dream, which honestly kind of hurt his feelings. It's not like he purposely tries to trip over air or drop whatever is in his hands at any given moment. They’re all reactions, reactions to the unsteady world around him. His hands weren’t made to be solid, and neither was his heart. He feels like George just tore him down, though, although he knows he said it out of the nervousness of a first date. Not that Karl would know anything about that.

Suddenly, Karl is pulled out of his reflection by George, who lets out a tiny squeal from the back of his throat and runs toward the door. Karl’s eyes follow him to where a very tall blond has just walked in. He’s got a green sweater on and a pair of jeans and he smiles so fondly at George that Karl can feel his best friends’ excitement from here. He studies the way they hug, Dream looping his arms tightly around George’s skinny frame and placing a kiss on the boy’s cheek, and he hears George giggle in the distance. Karl can’t help but smile. They look nice together.

Then the hairs on the back of his neck raise and his eyes move off the couple and onto the figure that is walking towards him. The man has a grey hoodie and black jeans on and oh, Karl could never misplace those eyes. “Sapnap.”

“Karl,” Sapnap replies with a smile. He pulls his hands from his pockets. “You got roped into this too?

Karl giggles, “Of course. George forces me into all kinds of things.”

Sapnap smiles down at him. For some reason, his height never registered in Karl’s brain. He had to be at least four inches taller than Karl, who sat a little over average height. It made him nervous. Everything Sapnap does makes Karl nervous.

“Oh! Here you go,” Karl says, handing him his ticket. Their fingers brush. He’s scorched. “You can’t get in without that.”

He waits for Nick’s reply, but it never comes, because George and Dream walk over, hand and hand. Karl snaps his attention to them. George is half Dreams height and Karl wants to laugh at the way George nuzzles into his boys’ arm.

When they reach Karl and Sapnap, Dream sticks his unoccupied hand out, “Hi, I’m Clay, but most people call me Dream. It’s nice to finally meet you. George told me a lot about you.”

Karl gives George a look and the boy just gives him a knowing smirk. Karl takes the boy's hand and softly shakes it. “H-Hi, I’m Karl. George has had a lot to say about you too.”

George glares at him as Dream laughs, “Maybe we should compare notes sometime. C'mon, the movie is about to start.”

Karl lets the lovebirds lead the pack as he falls back next to Sapnap, who is shaking his head. “They’re already so touchy-feely. I don’t wanna know what they’re gonna be like when the movie starts.”

“I don’t want to think about it, honestly.” Karl laughs. Sapnap’s hand brushes his as they walk side by side and Karl tries not to overanalyze the feeling.

The theater is dark as they enter, and the previews are rolling. George leads them all the way to the back corner, which makes Karl roll his eyes. He lets Sapnap go in before him, which earns him a glare, but he’s happy to sit on the end and not have to witness the kissing and touching firsthand. His poor eyes can’t handle that.

“Thanks for the ticket by the way,” Sapnap whispers in his ear. His breath tickles Karl’s neck and goosebumps explode on his skin. “What movie is this?”

“No idea,” Karl whispers back. He’s pretty positive George just picked a random movie that none of them would care about since they wouldn’t be paying attention anyway. The theater wasn’t very packed.

The title sequence starts and Karl tries to find a place to put his hands. He wishes he had some type of food box just so he could hold something and not feel awkward about it. Sapnap’s hand lays on the armrest, palm curled inward, and Karl lets himself think about what it would be like, to hold that hand just for a moment. He pulls himself out of the trance. He shouldn’t think like that.

Karl has no idea what’s happening in this movie. He can’t focus with Nick right beside him, so he’s given up and starts to count the number of seats in the theater. It’s only been about thirty minutes and he feels Sapnap moving and he turns his head. Dream and George are standing, moving past them in their seats to get to the stairs. He can practically see the grin on George’s face as he bends down and whispers to him, “We’ll be back!”

Another ten minutes pass and Karl feels like he’s trapped in a bubble of severe tension and self-consciousness. He doesn’t dare move a muscle and he doesn’t dare look to his left. He tries to keep his eyes on the big screen, but Sapnap sees right through him and pops the bubble. He can feel the soap in his eyes. “Are you watching this at all?”

Karl turns to him, breaking his rule. _How are his eyes so green in the dark?_ “N-No, I’m not.”

“Do you wanna, uhm,” Sapnap clears his throat, “do you maybe want to go outside? We could just talk or something.”

Fire rushes to his face and he doesn’t have the nerve to use his voice, so he nods and stands up. He starts to walk down the stairs, Sapnap right beside him, and he is so distracted by the prospect that he’s going to have to talk to the boy for an hour alone that he misses a step and almost goes flying. Luckily, Sapnap catches him by the waist with a chuckle. He’s flying anyway.

Karl is in safe territory when they make it through the exit signs and out into the cold. He’s only got a Henley on and it's quite windy, but he’ll manage. Sapnap takes a seat on the curb behind the movie theater and Karl follows him. “You’re really not good with stairs.”

“Shut it.” Karl laughs, folding his hands in his lap. He can see the air puff out of his mouth. “I told you I’m not coordinated, especially when I’m- “

He cuts himself off and Sapnap tilts his head. He looks like a confused puppy. “What were you gonna say? You can’t just leave me hanging.”

Karl cringes, “Nervous. Especially when I’m nervous.”

“Oh,” Sapnap is silent for a moment. “I make you nervous?”

“New people make me nervous.” Karl corrects. He doesn’t need the boy to get a big head on him. He looks down at his hands “I have social anxiety.”

Sapnap nods thoughtfully. “Well, let’s change that.”

“What?” Karl asks, looking up at him. He’s smiling so very brightly. It’s blinding.

“If we know more about one another, then I won’t be a new person,” Sapnap explains. “Here, I'll start. What’s your favorite season?”

“Spring,” Karl responds with zero thought. If there’s one thing he prides himself on, it’s knowing himself. “I like the blossoming of new things. Plus, all the colors are pretty.”

Sapnap grins, “I like winter. I like the way it’s a continuation of autumn, but more intense. I like the way snow feels on my face and how everything seems to be super peaceful.”

“You’re in luck,” Karl says. “It just so happens to be winter now.”

“Really?! I had no idea!” Nick gasps overdramatically, which makes Karl giggle. The other boy is silent for a moment before saying, “You have the cutest laugh ever.”

Karl covers his mouth with his hand on instinct, the compliment sending a shiver directly up his spine. If anyone has a cute laugh it would be Sapnap, not him, but he could never work up the courage to say that.

He watches as Nick slips his hoodie off, revealing a soft-looking red sweater underneath. He hands it to Karl, “You were shivering.”

Karl blushes, “You didn’t have to- “

“Just put it on, Nosebleed.” Sapnap laughs. Karl huffs and slips it on. It’s still warm from his body heat and he can smell his laundry detergent and cologne, all earthy tones and so wonderfully Sapnap that it makes his heart swell. It's way too big for him, it flops over his hands and bunches around his shoulders, but he likes it. He really doesn’t ever want to take it off. “It’s your turn.”

“My turn to what?” Karl is so very distracted.

The boy laughs again, “To ask a question, goofball.”

_Goofball._ His face is on fire. “O-Oh, I knew that.”

“Sure, you did.”

“Stop it,” Karl yelps, hitting Nick softly in the arm. Their knees knock and brush together. “Uhm, what’s your favorite color and why?”

“Well that’s basic,” Sapnap says and Karl hits him again. “Ow! Be nice or I won’t answer.”

“That’s not fair!” Karl whines. “I came up with it on the spot.”

Sapnap laughs, “My favorite color is red. I like its vibrance.”

“Cool,” Karl replies. He can totally see red being his favorite because Sapnap radiates vibrance to him. Red is fire, and Sapnap is constantly setting him aflame. “Mine is grey. It’s nice and it goes with a lot.”

“Your eyes are kinda grey too,” Sapnap adds on. He leans in closer to Karl, squinting in the yellow streetlight at Karl’s face. Their shoulders are touching, squished together in a tangle of heat and Karl is in the clouds. “But they’ve got a little blue to them as well. They’re like the ocean. I like them.”

Karl pulls his face away. “You’re very observant.”

Sapnap grins triumphantly. “So I've been told.”

The conversation dims down. It’s a comforting silence, sitting an inch away from someone you’ve learned so much about in a short period of time. Karl enjoys the breeze on his face and the sounds of Sapnap’s breathing. He shrinks himself further into the hoodie adorned to his body. This island is paradise, and Karl is so glad he washed ashore.

The moment is interrupted by soft giggles in the distance. Karl turns around and sees Dream and George, pressed together so closely they look to be one. As they get closer, he can see rosiness on cheeks and swollen lips and messy hair. He’s pretty sure George’s sweater is inside out, but he chooses not to comment.

“Enjoy the movie?” Sapnap asks with eyebrows raised. Karl chokes on a laugh.

Dream smiles, dazed, “Yes, the movie was absolutely brilliant.”

George giggles from beside Dream and Karl’s face contorts. They’re so cute that it’s sickening. Karl’s never going to experience something like what they have already. The realization makes him sad.

“Ready to go?” George asks although he seems hesitant to let go of Dream’s hand. Karl stands up and brushes his pants off, and Sapnap does the same.

As they walk back to their respective cars, the couple in front of them as usual, he goes to take the hoodie off. Sapnap grabs his arm. “Keep it for now. You can give it back later.”

“Are you sure?” Karl asks. “George’s car has seat warmers. I’ll survive.”

“I’m sure. It looks better on you than it does on me anyway,” Sapnap smiles, and Karl’s insides twist. “I’ll see you soon, goofball.”

Karl snorts, “What’s with you and the nicknames?”

Nick shrugs, “You know you like them.”

Karl blushes again as he watches Sapnap walk away. He misses the warmth already. He turns to George, who is kissing Dream goodbye softly. They’re like magnets, constantly being pulled together.

Dream gives him a wave and he returns it as he walks to the passenger’s side of the car. George unlocks the car, and they climb in. “Did you have a nice time?”

George starts the car with a grin. “The best. Nice hoodie, by the way.”

Karl crosses his arms over his chest with a huff. He’s never doing anything for George ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my FAVORITE chapter so far and it's over 2k words so it's also the longest and I am just so proud of this chapter you have no idea!
> 
> Thanks for the love!!


	7. Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thanksgiving <3

Karl is running.

He can’t believe that he slept through his stupid alarm. Honestly, he doesn’t even know if it went off or if he turned it on the night before in his post-movie theater daze. He got home close to midnight and collided with his bed almost immediately. He was so exhausted, his social battery drained. He seldom stays up that late because of how it makes him feel in the morning. He likes to be alert and awake.

But now he’s running, racing down the sidewalk at a speed he’s never hit before. The cold air stabs his face brutally, but he can’t focus on that. He’s got about ten minutes to get to his locker and to class before the bell rings, and he _can’t_ be late. He’s never been late for anything in his entire life.

He bursts through the school doors, five minutes to spare. He starts to speed walk to his locker because running through the slippery halls could not only cause him serious injury, but he could get into a lot of trouble. He’s surprised he made it all the way here without a single fall, to be honest. His brain must be hyper-focused on getting him to school on time, and for that he’s thankful.

His friends aren’t by his locker, which means they’re already in their respective classrooms. He can’t seem to get any oxygen into his lungs and the hoodie he’s wearing is so warm. He quickly opens his locker, grabs his books, and slams it shut before walking to his first period in a hurried fashion.

He walks through the doorframe to his history class just as the bell rings and he lets out a sigh of relief. His teacher and the rest of the students in the class are giving him strange looks, probably because Karl is usually the first one there every day. He keeps his head down in shame as he walks to his seat, which is in the back of the room. He sets his backpack down and plops into the cold metal seating.

“Are you okay?” A voice whispers and he looks up. Niki, his only friend in this class, has a worried expression on her face.

Karl nods softly. He’s still a little out of breath. “Y-Yeah, yeah. I overslept.”

Niki gives him a small smile, “Ah, okay. I’m glad you’re here!”

Karl loves Niki a lot. She’s such a sweetheart, a nice change of pace from the rambunctiousness of his other friends. He hasn’t known her for that long, but she can always make him feel calm and relaxed. He takes a deep breath before replying, “Thanks, Niki. So am I.”

His first three classes go smoothly and he's thankful. He can’t really take any more stress, not after the chaos that took place this morning. He turns in all his completed homework, answers a few questions willingly, and he aces his chemistry quiz. By the time lunch rolls around, Karl is starving and in desperate need of some caffeine. He didn’t get to eat breakfast and he feels a little lightheaded.

He enters the cafeteria bustling with people and he makes a beeline directly to his table, where Alex, Tubbo, and Tommy all sit. Tommy is opening Tubbo’s milk carton- the boy can never get it open, and Alex has his head on the table. Karl sets his bag down and pulls out a chair, “Hey, guys.”

Alex’s head shoots up and he reaches over the table to hug Karl, “You’re here! Oh, thank god!”

Karl hugs him back hesitantly, “Of course I’m here. I don’t miss school, Alex.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t at your locker this morning.” Tommy says, “And the only reason I know that is because Alex wouldn’t shut up about it.”

“Because I missed him!” Alex defends, sitting back in his seat. “I hadn’t seen him or George all day! Withdrawals are a real thing, Tommy- “

“Wait, you haven’t seen George?” Karl asks softly, interrupting. Now that he thinks about it, George should be at their table by now. George is almost as punctual as him.

“No,” Alex replies. He looks a little worried. “Have you not seen him either?”

Karl shakes his head. “I was late this morning. By the time I got here you guys were already- “

“Wait, you were late?” Alex asks, shock written all over his face. “Am I in an alternate reality right now? Wait, who’s hoodie are you wearing? What is going on right now? I think I’m going crazy…”

“Alex.” Tubbo tries to interrupt.

“Don’t interrupt my mental breakdown, Tubbo.” Alex reprimands.

Tommy glares, “Don’t yell at him!”

“I didn’t yell! I just told him not to interrupt me while I’m- “

“Guys!” Tubbo yells, cutting them both off. Karl rolls his eyes. “I found George.”

He points past Karl’s head, and he turns to look at the opposite side of the cafeteria. There, where all of the cheerleaders and sports kids sit around three of the larger tables, is George. He’s wrapped around a boy with a green hoodie on, his head thrown back in a laugh. Karl’s heart hurts a bit. George has abandoned them for his boyfriend, and he didn’t even say anything about it.

He turns back to the table, “He’s with Dream.”

Tommy’s mouth falls open. “With Dream? Like they’re _together_ together?”

Karl nods, “Yeah. They went on a date yesterday. He didn’t tell you guys?”

“No,” Alex says. He looks really hurt and Karl feels bad. He puts a hand on Alex’s arm. “He told you?”

“He made me go with him, actually,” Karl explains. He tugs on the strings of the hoodie he’s wearing, which so happens to be Sapnap’s, but he’s not going to cave and tell Alex that.

Alex looks at him, “Can you go get him, please? I think we need to have a conversation.”

Karl goes red. He knows Alex is upset, and Alex is rarely upset or serious. “Are you sure you want me to?”

“Yes, Karl!” Alex snaps at him and Karl flinches. “Just do it!”

He bites his lips as he stands up slowly. Tubbo gives him a reassuring look, but it doesn’t really help him in any way. He shuffles over to the popular table, his anxiety building with every step. By the time he makes it to the other side of the room, he can feel himself shaking. He wraps his arms around his body. People are staring at him and he tries to ignore it.

Karl taps his friends’ shoulder. “George.”

George turns to look at him, his expression surprised. “Karl! Hey, what’s up?”

His arms are still around Dream and the boy is practically in the blond’s lap. Karl gulps, “Could you come with me for a second?”

The whole table is staring at him, their eyes burning holes into Karl’s exterior. He keeps his focus on George, “Why? Can’t this wait till after lunch?”

“No,” Karl replies immediately, “No it can’t.”

It’s dead silent now. Karl wants to cry, he’s so embarrassed. He doesn’t want to be the center of attention right now. He wants to go crawl in a hole and never come out of it.

George is stubborn, “Karl, you’re interrupting, okay? We can do this later- “

“No, we can’t, okay!” Karl’s frustration and fear leave his mouth in a hurried shout. “Please just go talk to Alex! Please!”

George stands up and places a hand on Karl’s shoulder. Karl never yells, never. He doesn’t know what came over him. “Okay, I'll go. Please calm down.”

He feels the tears welling up in his eyes and oh god, he’s about to cry in front of the entire cafeteria. He takes a few steps back from George before running out of the room and to the closest bathroom. He locks himself in the furthest stall and slides his back on the wall, hot tears running down his face and onto his chin. He tries not to make too much noise as he cries but it's not working. He can hear the echo of his anxiety bouncing off the tile walls and it's mortifying.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been in there for and someone knocks on the door. He huffs, “Go away, George!”

The person on the other side clears their throat. “I’m way too tall to be George, silly. Let me in?”

Karl's eyes widen. He knows that voice. He reaches up and unhooks the latch, the door swinging open. “N-Nick?”

Sapnap steps inside and relatches the door before sinking down to Karl’s level on the floor. “Hey, goofball. You okay?”

Karl snorts and rubs his eyes with his hands. “Did you see all of that?”

“Yeah, I did,” Sapnap replies with a sad smile. He puts a hand on Karl's arm. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“N-No,” Karl answers shakily. He really wants a hug right now and the pull to grab the boy in front of him and never let go is so strong that he doesn’t even try to fight it. A sob bubbles in his throat and he reaches forward, burying himself in the softness of Sapnap’s sweater.

Arms encircle him tightly as he cries into the nape of the other boy's neck. “I-I yelled at him! I actually yelled at George and now h-he’s gonna hate me and I’ll have no friends-“

“Woah, slow down,” Sapnap rubs circles on his back and it feels so comforting. This is the closest he's been to the other boy, the most contact they’ve ever shared, and of course, it happens when he’s losing it on the bathroom floor. Karl pulls his head up. Sapnap cups his cheek softly and slowly wipes a remaining tear away with his thumb. He shivers. “George will forgive you and everything will work out, okay? If anything, he owes you an apology, Karl. And if they don’t forgive you, I’ll be your friend.”

Karl giggles softly, “Really?”

“Really,” Sapnap smiles, moving his hands off. He stands and holds a hand out to Karl and he takes it. There wouldn’t be a reality where he wouldn’t take it. “Did you get to eat anything?”

“No, but it's okay. I have a free period after this,” Karl says as they step out of the stall together. He’s thankful no one else has entered the bathroom. “I’m gonna wash my face off and stuff.”

“Right,” Sapnap nods. He looks slightly disappointed, but Karl doesn’t understand why. “Well, I hope the rest of your day is better.”

Karl looks at him through the mirror. He looks kind of brilliant in the low light. “Thank you, Sapnap.”

“Anytime, Nosebleed. What are friends for?” Sapnap grins. Karl watches as he walks to the door, but he turns once more to say with a wink, “Nice hoodie, by the way.”

He pushes through the door before Karl has a chance to respond. His face is beet red. He hates that boy so much sometimes.

He thinks he might like him even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is very boring to me but the next chapter is gonna slap so hard you have no idea.


	8. Small Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it count as double updating if I technically post this one at 2am?? Enjoy !!

Karl sits on his couch, tucked under a blanket with a book in his hands. It’s Friday after school and Karl is spending the evening alone like he always does.

In truth, he’s very sad. He hasn’t really spoken to his friends all week. He’s a little mad at them for putting him in the middle of their drama and he feels really bad for snapping at George still. He hates confrontation, it makes him nervous. He’s been spending his lunches alone in the library and walking home in the cold by himself.

He curls into the corner of his couch and tries to focus on the words on his page, but the back of his mind is ticking. He misses his friends. He was supposed to go to the game with them, but now he’s missing it because there is no way he’s going alone. He feels awful for letting Sapnap down, after all the things the boy has done for him. He’s probably never going to look at Karl after tonight.

A knock on the door startles him. His mom shouldn’t be home for another hour or two. He sets his book down and stands, blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he walks to the door.

He opens it and his face twists in confusion. “Alex? George?”

“Can we come in?” George asks softly. Karl nods and opens the door wider, letting his friends inside.

Alex clears his throat. “We owe you an apology, Karl. I shouldn’t have snapped at you on Monday. It wasn’t cool and I was just upset, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m really sorry.”

“And I’m sorry too,” George takes his turn. Karl grips his blanket tighter. “I should’ve told you guys I wanted to sit with Dream. I was just really excited and it slipped my mind, and I don’t want to be one of those guys that ditch their friends when they get into a relationship. I’m sorry for making you upset.”

Karl takes a second to process. Sapnap was right, they were apologizing. He feels a weight lift off his chest. “It’s okay, guys. I’m glad you guys made up and stuff.”

They step forward into a group hug, which Karl melts into. He really did miss them a ton. When he pulls away, George is grinning at him. “Go get dressed!”

“Dressed?” Karl asks.

“Yes!” Alex laughs. “We have a football game to go to! Get your ass moving, Karlos!”

Karl giggles and goes upstairs to his room. He pulls a pair of jeans and a collared long sleeve shirt on. He throws his jean jacket over top and slips on his converse. There are butterflies in his stomach. He’s never been to a sports game before.

When they make it to the school, the stands are full of cheering people. He can see the cheerleaders hyping up the crowd on the field, but no sign of Nick or any of the other players. George gets them a nice spot on the bleachers, and he can see the whole field from this angle. The air is chilly, and he wishes he would’ve grabbed his beanie before he left.

Then, people come running out onto the field. He recognizes his school colors, forest green, and gold. George starts screaming Dream’s name in his ear, so he assumes that’s their team. George points out a few of the members to him, like Sam and Callahan, and Punz. He can see Sapnap’s dark hair from across the football field and his chest tightens. He’s got his football gear on and he’s carrying his helmet in one hand. He’s smiling brightly, his white bandana keeping his curls out of his face. He’s got two black lines drawn on his cheeks. Karl has been transported to heaven. That is an angel.

Karl finds it hard to focus after that. He follows Nick’s every move as best as he can. Alex keeps trying to explain what’s happening, but he can’t really hear over George yelling at the top of his lungs with the rest of the crowd. Besides, he’s hyper fixated on the way Sapnap looks when he runs, or when he tackles someone, or when he pulls his helmet off to run a hand through his sweaty hair. It makes Karl’s heartbeat go crazy.

He claps whenever he assumes they make a goal and when Dream makes the winning field goal, as Alex told him, he even stands. He swears the air is getting warm around him as he watches the team hug, Sapnap’s beam so big that it seems to fill the entire field. George grabs his hand and pulls him down the bleachers and onto the soft grass while Alex goes to find a bathroom.

He sees Dream and Sapnap walking towards them and he starts to panic a little. George takes off running and meets Dream halfway in a kiss that is so powerful that it actually looks painful. Dream picks George up and spins him around and Karl can’t help but smile. Some of the teammates and people around clap for them, but Karl’s focus immediately turns to the boy still walking towards him.

Sapnap is practically glowing. The paint on his cheeks is partially smudged off and his hair is damp. “You came! You’re actually here!”

Karl giggles, “I told you I’d consider it.”

Sapnap wraps his arms around Karl’s waist and he freezes. He’s pretty sure his brain is short-circuiting. Even all sweaty, the boy smells so unbelievably good. He inhales softly.

Sapnap pulls away all too quickly. He scratches the back of his neck, “Sorry, shouldn’t have done that. I’m really gross right now.”

“It’s okay,” Karl reassures, rocking on his heels. “I just wasn’t expecting it, s’all.”

Sapnap takes a step back. The magnetic field around them pulls slightly and Karl wants him to come closer again. “So, are you coming to the pizza parlor with us? The whole team and cheerleading squad and whoever else we invite always goes after we win a game.”

Karl’s stomach drops. This wasn’t apart of the plan. He looks over where George was standing with Dream moments ago, but the two are nowhere in sight. The field is clearing of people. “I-I can’t. I don’t really, uhm, like crowds very much.”

The idea of being around a ton of people he didn’t know in a small pizza place makes him feel sick. He would much rather leave. He can’t believe George and Alex didn’t tell him this part, but maybe they didn’t because they knew he’d refuse. Either way, Karl is not participating.

“Oh, okay,” Sapnap seems a little disappointed. Karl opens his mouth to assure him that it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the raging pit of anxiety in his intestines when suddenly he perks up. “Wait! I have an idea. Stay here, okay? I’ll be back in fifteen.”

With that, Sapnap takes off running towards the locker rooms, leaving Karl alone in the middle of the football field. He decides to take a seat on the bleachers and wait, hugging his body tightly as gusts of cold wind sweep past. His phone buzzes and he opens it, reading a text from Alex asking if he wants a ride to the pizza parlor or home. He types back that he’s got it covered and to have a good time before shoving it back in his pocket. He hopes the lights don’t shut off and leave him alone in the dark. Karl doesn’t do well in the dark. He’s clumsy enough with the lights on.

True to his word, Sapnap returns in fifteen minutes. Now, he’s got on a red turtleneck and some jeans. His hair is wet and tied back with his bandana and his face is washed off except for a little black smudge close to his jaw. He looks exceptionally good. Karl licks his thumb and reaches up, wiping the excess paint off. “You had some left.”

Nick’s face is pink, and he chokes out, “Th-Thanks.”

Karl hums as they begin to walk toward the parking lot, “So where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise,” Sapnap says. He unlocks his trunk and throws his bags in as Karl sits in the passenger seat. He’s scared. More one on one time with Sapnap means more chances to embarrass himself. “I think you’ll like it, though.”

The drive is silent apart from the soft music playing in the background. Karl takes it all in-the indie coming through the speakers, the way Sapnap drives with one hand steadily on the wheel and the other on his thigh, the chain that glistens with every passing streetlight. He hears himself breaking the silence, “I like your necklace. Does it mean anything?”

Sapnap touches it with his free hand. “It’s just a lock. My dad bought it for me last year. Now I never take it off.”

Karl nods and leans back into the seat, watching how pretty the city looks all lit up. Soon, they’re coming to a stop, and Karl turns. “Where are we?”

Nick just smirks and gets out of the car. Karl rolls his eyes and follows him, shutting the car door softly. It looks like a small diner. Not a lot of cars are in the parking lot and he can hear the buzz of the neon sign that sits atop the door. Sapnap holds the door open for him and he gives him a smile, stepping inside. It’s quiet here, cozy and quant in all the right ways. He’s never seen this place before, but he’s already decided he likes it.

They get a small table in the corner. Sapnap grins, “I hope you’re hungry. They make really good food, and don’t get me started on the milkshakes.”

Karl smiles, “How did you find this place?”

“Dream took me here after we became friend’s freshman year,” Sapnap explains. “Now it's like my secret place to come when I need some space.”

“And you took me here?” Karl asks. It seems rather intimate to bring someone to your secret spot. Sapnap nods with a blush and he grins, “Thank you. I like it a lot.”

“I thought you would, especially at this time of night,” Sapnap says. “It’s quiet. No crowds. You should be safe.”

Karl’s heart flutters. Sapnap is so extremely thoughtful that he can’t even comprehend it. He doesn’t remember the last time someone thought of him in such a way, but he never wants to forget this moment. Never.

A waitress comes to take their orders and Sapnap orders for him. A double cheeseburger, no onion, and a chocolate milkshake. He gets the same for himself but with an Oreo, which Karl grimaces at. “Oreo doesn’t belong in ice cream. Who wants to suck up chunks of cookie in the middle of a milkshake? That makes no sense.”

“Hey! Don’t hate on cookies and cream!” Sapnap huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “At least I didn’t get chocolate. How basic can you get?”

“That’s not even fair!” Karl argues. “I had like five minutes to look over the menu! I was stressed!”

“Sure, you were. That sounds like a big fat excuse to me,” Sapnap shakes his head, making Karl giggle loudly. The other boy smiles, “There you go again with the cute laugh.”

“Stop it!” Karl laughs again, covering his mouth with his hands. Sapnap reaches over and pulls them away. “No, Sap! Give me my hands back!”

Sapnap shakes his head and tightens his grip, “Not gonna happen, buddy. You shouldn’t cover up something so- “

He stops himself and Karl tilts his head to the side, “So what?”

“Beautiful,” Sapnap answers breathlessly. “Something so beautiful.”

Karl’s mouth hangs open. His head feels dizzy. They stare at each other for a moment before Sapnap pulls his hands back and Karl bites his lip. He feels so giddy inside, like a thousand fireworks just lit up his night sky from that one sentence. The colors fill him up wonderfully. He’s sparkling.

Their food comes out and they immediately dig in. The conversation simmers down into a comfortable silence. He was right, the food is really good, and the milkshake is divine. What’s even more endearing to him is the way Sapnap inhales his food like a vacuum cleaner. He never thought he’d think eating was endearing, but here he is, internally giggling over Sapnap’s eating habits.

Once he’s done eating and Sapnap’s plate is clear, he starts to ask what he’s wanted to question all night, “Can I ask you something personal?”

Sapnap shrugs, “Go for it.”

Karl clears his throat, “Why did you come here with me instead of with your team?”

Sapnap takes a moment to reply, “I can always see my team. There will always be another victory and another pizza place to go to. I guess I just don’t feel like I have that many chances with you, so I should take each one that I get.”

“Oh,” Karl is flushed from head to toe. He doesn’t know what to make of that answer.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sapnap returns the favor. Karl nods hesitantly. “How have you never been in a relationship before?”

Karl gapes, “H-How did you know that?”

“George told me,” Sapnap explains. Karl huffs, of course, George did. The boy reassures, “I’m not judging you at all. I just genuinely want to know.”

“I-I don’t know,” Karl replies, biting his lip again. He folds his hands on the table. “I honestly don’t think I've ever had feelings for someone like that before, so even if I did now, I wouldn’t even recognize them. I think I’m afraid of the things I’ve never done before.”

Sapnap hums, “That makes sense. Change is inevitable, but that inevitability is part of the reason why it's so scary. You’ll know, though.”

“I’ll know what?”

Sapnap smiles at him. There’s almost a touch of sadness to it. “When you have feelings for someone.”

“H-How?” Karl asks.

“Because," Sapnap says, a shimmer of mystery in his eyes, "It eats you. _It eats you alive_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure THIS is now my longest chapter my fingers are gonna fall off. Thank you sooo much for the love I cannot believe this is already at 2.5k hits that so insane!!


	9. Blizzards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // underage drinking (not major or anything just mentioned)

Karl sets his spoon on the counter and rolls his wrist. He feels like he’s been mixing for ages.

He turns to the clock on his kitchen wall; 6:30. He’s got about a half-hour until people start showing up. It’s kind of unfair, how Tommy blurted out at the lunch table that they should have a Friendsgiving, and everyone instantly agreed, but none of them are helping him cook. Tubbo said he’d bring some pumpkin pie, but everyone else just decided that Karl was the obvious choice to do all the cooking. He’s such a doormat.

At least they’re on break this week, so he’s had time to prepare a lot of the food ahead of time. Everything is done apart from the ham in the oven and the mashed potatoes he’s currently mixing butter in. He’s got terrible friends sometimes, he must admit.

He grabs a stack of plates and some silverware and heads to his dining room to set the table. He has no idea how many people are actually coming to this thing. Karl himself doesn’t have that many friends, but now George is kind of popular and Alex gets along with a lot of people, so he’s lost on their numbers. He plates the different sides he made in a neat little row, sparing the middle for the meat, and he’s about to reenter the kitchen to grab some glasses when a knock sounds through the house.

He opens the door to Tubbo and Tommy, “Hi, guys!”

Tubbo gives him a smile and holds out a pan, “Hi, Karl! Here you go!”

Karl grabs it as Tommy pushes past him and into the house, Tubbo following on his heels. Karl shakes his head at the two of them, connected at the hip, and closes the door. He goes to the dining room and sets the pie on the table, Tommy already sticking his finger in the potatoes. Karl slaps his hand and Tommy yelps, “What was that for?!”

“Wait till everyone gets here, you spaghetti-o!” Karl lectures. The doorbell rings and Karl huffs, “Please, don’t eat anything else.”

“No promises,” Tommy shrugs. Tubbo laughs from the seat next to him. Karl wants to strangle them both.

He quickly runs to the door and swings it open, “H-Dream?”

The blond is standing there in a dark blue turtleneck and a nice pair of dress pants. He’s rocking side to side very nervously. His freckles reflect the yellow of his porch light. “H-Hey, Karl. George invited me; I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, of course not! Come in!” Karl ushers him inside. He should’ve expected this, honestly. George is obsessed with Dream. He shuts the door after him and turns, “What do you have?”

Dream holds up the bag, “Uhm, George told me to bring wine, so…”

“Did someone say wine?!” Tommy screeches, running into the living room area. He snatches the bag out of Dream’s hands. “You are my new favorite person like, ever.”

“Hey!” Tubbo yells from somewhere in the house. Tommy pulls the bottle out of the bag and runs back to the dining room. Karl rolls his eyes.

“You can wait here or in the dining room if you’d like, but I’d suggest here,” Karl says and Dream laughs. “By the way, George is not going to be on time. He always underestimates how long it takes him to get to my house from his.”

Dream hums, “Yeah, I would’ve picked him up, but he lives pretty far from me. Thank you, Karl.”

“Of course,” Karl smiles and heads back to the kitchen to check the ham. He hears the doorbell ring again and he prays that Dream will get it because he’s so tired of going back and forth. There are already too many people in this house and he’s kind of panicking about if he’ll have enough food or not. He really hopes Tommy isn’t sticking his fingers in everything still. _Why did they invite him again?_

“Boo!” Someone yells behind him and Karl yelps, turning around with a huff. He sets the hot pan he was holding on the counter and shoves his friend. “I totally got you!”

“Alex, what the honk?! I almost dropped that everywhere!”

Alex grins, “Worth it! By the way, I brought Fundy. He was lonely or whatever.”

“Cool,” Karl replies. Fundy is in debate with them and he has chemistry with him, but they’re not very close. Fundy is kind of a loner, but he’s super smart and very nice. Karl likes him. He picks the ham up and hands it to Alex, “Go put that on the table.”

“Yes mom,” Alex grumbles, and Karl giggles as they walk to the dining room. Everyone is sitting, having small conversations. He’s not sure when George got here, but the boy has his arm linked with Dream’s as he talks to Fundy. Tommy has overfilled his glass with red wine and Tubbo steals sips of it when he’s not looking. He takes a seat in between Tubbo and Dream and clears his throat, “Hi everyone. Thank you for coming. Uhm, it’s tradition we go around and say something we’re thankful for. Who wants to start?”

“Oh, me!” George giggles. He grabs Dream’s freehand in his own and they look at each other. Karl feels like he’s interrupting. “I’m thankful for all of you, but especially Dream. We haven’t been dating long, but I don’t think anyone could ever give me this much joy. Thank you.”

Dream smiles and kisses his nose softly. Tommy gags from Karl’s right. “I’m very thankful for you too.”

“I’m thankful that that’s over,” Tommy says. Tubbo nods in agreement.

“I’m thankful for food,” Alex groans. “Can we wrap this up?”

Fundy laughs, “Same here. What about you, Karl?”

Karl gulps, “I’m, uhm, thankful for friends, both old and new. Dig in.”

He doesn’t admit it out loud, but he was referring to Sapnap. Being surrounded by all these people makes him miss the boy a lot, for some reason. He craves the one-on-one attention, the way he makes Karl feel. No one else has ever made him feel so special.

Dinner goes pretty smoothly. Tommy is the only one that drinks, and Karl cuts him off after his first glass. They share a lot of laughs and embarrassing stories about George, which makes the boy a little flustered, but Dream seems to enjoy them a lot. Surprisingly, they all have room for dessert. Alex almost elbows the pie off the table and Fundy gets whipped cream all over his sweater, but it’s a good time overall and he has a lot of fun.

Tubbo suggests they watch a Christmas movie, and the group leaves the dining room, but Karl can't stand the mess, so he begins to stack the dirty plates and collect the silverware in a neat pile. “Want some help?”

  
Karl looks up to see Dream standing across from him, “You don’t have to.”

“I want to. It’s the least I can do.” Dream says as he starts to collect cups. “You’re an excellent cook, by the way. How’d you learn?”

“Thanks! I taught myself, I guess. I’m home alone a lot.” Karl explains.” I’m glad you had a good time.”

Dream smiles, “I did. George invited me so that I could get to know you all better. He wanted me to feel more comfortable around you guys.”

Karl can understand that. It’s hard to join a group of people that have known each other for so long. He gives him a smile back, “We all like you a lot. George really cares about you, you know.”

“I care about him too,” he sighs in return, almost in a dreamy sort of way. He wonders if anyone thinks of him like this. Dream and George are so inexplicably perfect for one another, and he’s really happy that his friend found someone genuinely good.

Karl sets his plates down on the island in the kitchen before turning around. He looks around, seeing no one nearby, and he says in a low voice, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” Dream answers carefully. “Go ahead.”

“How did you know?” Karl bites his lip after questioning. He watches Dream’s face go from confusion to enlightenment and he exhales softly. “Sorry, that was- “

“No, no, it’s okay,” Dream reassures. He takes a seat at the island and pats the one next to it, so Karl slides in beside him as he continues, “I think I knew around seventh or eighth grade, but I didn’t actually accept it until much later. Sapnap actually helped me a lot with that, because he’s always seemed to know exactly who he is. When he came out to me, he wasn’t afraid, and I think that showed me that it’s not scary to love who you want to love, you know?”

“He told me it would eat me alive,” Karl says, staring at his hands.

Dream chuckles, “He’s dramatic. It’s not like that for everyone.”

“What’s it like then,” Karl looks at him. His green eyes stare back. “with George. What’s it like for you?”

Dream takes a moment to think before responding, “It’s like… a blizzard. I’m being surrounded and I can’t really see in front of me, but at the same time it's snow, so it's light and soft. It has the power to destroy everything, but it could also turn into a wonderland when it's all over. George is suffocating in the best way possible. I don’t think I want to get out of the storm, ever.”

Karl feels his heart-melting. George really doesn’t know how lucky he is. “That’s beautiful. I don’t…I don’t know if I…”

“And that’s okay,” Dream smiles. “You don’t have to know right now. It’s not something that takes place overnight. It's gradual. You’ll know when you know.”

He stands and picks the cups up again. Karl breathes, “And what if I’m too scared to accept it?”

Dream shakes his head, “You’ll be missing out on something so amazing that you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me, Karl, when you know, absorb it. Don’t push it in the opposite direction.”

With that, he leaves Karl by himself.

_Absorb it._

He doesn’t know if he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to include Fundy because he is an underrated king. Also, I hate turkey. Ham is the superior meat.


	10. Whipped Cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kudos and hits and comments so far ! <3

The break is over, which means midterm season is here.

Karl loves December, he really does, but he always gets super stressed during testing times, especially midterms and finals. All the hard work he’s done so far this year could go down the drain with one test. He hates it so much.

He’s got a midterm today, which sucks because it’s the Monday right after Thanksgiving. He’s studied a lot for his history exam, but he’s not really in the mind frame to take such a large test yet. He’s got history directly after his free period, so he wants to take the time to make sure he knows everything. History is tricky; There are so many things to remember and his brain doesn’t have that much room in it, not with everything else going on in his life.

His conversation with Dream resonates inside him constantly. He understood what the boy was telling him, he really does comprehend everything, but he doesn’t know if he has the strength to do it. He’s not even sure he knows what he’s feeling yet.

He’s sitting at lunch with his friends, nibbling on a sandwich while listening to Tommy and Alex argue over some random topic. Tommy loves arguing with people, and that’s why he’s the vice president of the debate club. He shines there.

Dream is sitting with them today, holding George’s hand as they giggle at something on George’s phone. They’ve seemed to mellow out a lot since Friendsgiving, they’re not as physical anymore while still touching each other at all times, and Karl is thankful. He’s not a huge fan of all the PDA.

“Ready for your exam?” Tubbo asks him as he sucks his milk with a straw.

Karl has his book out in front of him. He takes another bite of his sandwich, “Yeah, I think so. I just wanna brush up a little more.”

“Well,” Tubbo replies, “I thought I’d let you know that there’s a guy staring at you. He’s walking this way.”

Karl’s head snaps up and in an instant, his eyes are locking onto the emerald gems that get closer and closer to him with every step. He panics, “Oh no, how do I look? Do I have anything on my face? I’m not prepared!”

Tubbo reaches forward with his hand and wipes some crumbs off his cheek. “There. You look great. Stop holding your breath. That’s not very good for you!”

“Right, thanks.” Karl flushes. Sapnap looks so good today; He has a collared shirt under a black sweater and some soft-looking blue jeans adorn his legs. His hair isn’t held back by anything today, so his dark curls are left to flow over his face. He walks over to him almost in slow motion. It’s like everything around him slowly starts to blur until he’s the only thing in focus, the only thing on the mind.

“Hey, Nosebleed,” Sapnap grins. “Can I sit?”

He looks to all his friends. George is grinning at him, and he can see Tommy mouthing the word ‘ _Nosebleed_ ’ repeatedly with a confused expression. Karl turns back to the angel standing before him. “Y-Yeah, sure.”

Sapnap plops down in the empty chair. Their lunch table is silent apart from George giggling with Alex. He’s going to owe everyone an explanation later and he’s not going to have fun doing it. “What are you up to right now?”

“Uhm, I was eating and studying, actually,” Karl states, although he’s not really hungry anymore.

Sapnap grins. “What if I told you I have a plan?”

“Uhm,” Karl is dumbfounded. Why does his grin have to be so poisonous? He can’t function. “I would p-probably ask you what the plan is.”

“I wanted to go get hot chocolate, but none of my friends want to go with me,” Sapnap explains, leaning forward on his elbows, his legs facing Karl. Their knees brush. “Do you wanna come with me?”

Karl freezes. He actually feels glued to his seat. He turns to look at George again, who’s giving him a thumbs up and a smile. Dream winks at him. Alex mouths, _“Say yes, you nimrod!”_

“Uhm,” Karl gulps, “Y-Yes, I’ll come with you.”

Sapnap smiles so widely that Karl thinks his heart is going to burst. The boy stands and grabs Karl’s backpack. He gestures at the book, “Give it here.”

“W-Wait, now? We’re leaving right now?” Karl yelps. He hands over the book anyway.

“Yep, Let’s go!”

“But- “  
“No buts!” Sapnap laughs and grabs Karl’s hand, pulling him to his feet. He doesn’t let go. His arm is numb. “Bye everyone except Tommy! See you at practice, Dream!”

“Hey! Fuck you Sapnap!” Tommy yells.

“Have fun but not too much fun!” George winks and the rest wave as Karl is dragged out the cafeteria doors and toward the parking lot. His hand is still being held and he’s kind of freaked out by how perfect it feels. His cold hands juxtapose Sapnap’s warmth so flawlessly that he can’t even comprehend it. He wants to be surrounded by this boy, encompassed so tightly that their temperature reaches equilibrium and never fluctuates again.

Sapnap pulls out his keys and unlocks his car, and Karl reluctantly lets go of his hand to climb into the passenger seat. He starts the engine, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Karl hums, strapping his seatbelt in.

“I uh,” Sapnap clears his throat, “I held your hand all the way here, and I pulled you away from your friends. I- “

“I said yes, didn’t I?” Karl says. He gathers his courage. “As for the hand thing…”

He doesn’t know what comes over him, or how he gets his body to even move, but he reaches forward and grabs Sapnap’s right hand in his own. Sapnap lets out a tiny gasp as Karl studies his micro-expressions carefully, making sure he didn’t make a wrong move. He lets out a sigh of relief when Sapnap beams. He readjusts their hands so that their fingers are intertwined on the center console.

“Cool,” Sapnap says blissfully. He squeezes his hand and Karl blushes. He’s so content.

Soon, they make it to one of the coffee shops in the middle of town. It’s a bit crowded and the parking lot is pretty full, but the smell is so alluring that Karl can’t seem to mind. Plus, Sapnap is with him, glued to his side. They don’t hold hands in line, but Karl really wants to. He’s not brave enough to make the move twice, but their magnetic field is so strong he thinks it may just happen naturally. He hopes so.

Sapnap orders them two medium hot chocolates with extra whipped cream and they find a little circular table in the back corner to camp out at. The chairs here are soft and Karl relaxes into the cushions. A nice lady brings them their drinks and Karl grins, “How’d you know I liked so much sugar?”

“You licked all the whipped cream of your milkshake first during our little diner date, so I just assumed you’d like extra,” Sapnap explains with a laugh. Karl licks his lips and takes a sip. It’s still a bit too hot and almost burns his tongue. Sapnap reaches forward and slowly swipes his thumb over Karl’s lower lip. “You had some there, goofball.”

Karl flushes. _Touch me like that again, please_. “O-Oh, thank you- Wait, did you say diner date?”

It’s Sapnap’s turn to blush. Karl giggles as he watches his face go red, “I-uh, whoops? It just slipped out- “

“Did you think it was a date?” Karl asks.

“Would you mind if I did?” Sapnap counters.

Karl chews on his bottom lip, the hands on his cup shifting nervously, “I’ve never been on one, but I…I don’t think I’d mind.”

Sapnap smirks and slowly grabs Karl’s cup out of his hands and sets it on the table. He intertwines their fingers again. It looks to be the easiest puzzle in the world, and Karl wants to grab some glue and stick the pieces together and hang it on his wall for everyone to see. It’s a masterpiece.

“Karl Jacobs,” Sapnap says and Karl laughs. His name rolls off the other boy’s tongue so nicely. “I would go on a thousand dates with you if you’d let me.”

And Karl thinks he’s going to explode. He’s a crate of TNT and Sapnap just threw the match directly at his heart. God, Sapnap lights him on fire. He’s surrounded by ash and dust and nothing as ever felt quite as good.

“I,” Karl utters, mesmerized. Sapnap runs his thumb on the back of Karl’s hand. “I think I’d be okay with that.”

Sapnap slides his cup back over, “It’s gonna get cold, and the whole point of hot chocolate is for it to be hot.”

Karl rolls his eyes and begins to sip. It’s cooler now, but that’s fine because he doesn’t need the drink to keep him warm when Sapnap’s hand is in his. He doesn’t know how long they sit there for, making small talk and staring into each other eyes, but he’s learned that Sapnap is bad English but actually enjoys reading, has an affinity for McDonald's, and can’t ride a bike. Every new thing he’s taught is slotted in a special folder in his brain. He wants to remember everything about this boy, every moment they spend, every look they share, every place they touch.

Sapnap gets up and throws their cups out, “We should get back now. You’ve got about fifteen before your exam.”

Karl’s eyes widen. He never got to finish studying, “Shoot! My exam!”

“Hey, hey,” Sapnap says calmly, “You’ll be fine. You’ve got this.”

Karl hums, “You think so?”

“I know so,” Sapnap nods. He holds out his hand again, “C’mon, let me get you back.”

When they get back to school, Karl doesn’t want to part ways. He gets out of Sapnap’s car and rounds it to pull Sapnap in a huge hug. He smells like coffee and fresh linen and he pushes his face in the crook of Sapnap’s neck, “Thank you.”

Sapnap wraps his arms around Karl’s waist. He can feel the boy’s nose in his hair, “No, thank you.”

Karl doesn’t want to pull away, but he does. Sapnap smiles down at him, “See you later?”

“Of course,” Sapnap replies. Karl swings his backpack over his shoulder and turns to walk inside, “Karl!”

He turns back, “Yeah, Nick?”

Sapnap shakes his head, “N-Never mind. Good luck on your test.”

Karl gives him a confused smile and continues to walk, leaving the boy in the parking lot. He wants to turn back, but he needs to focus now. He’s got to get everything out of his mind except for history. He takes a deep breath.

_He can do this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i have tumblr and my @ is jiliwastaken so if you wanted to follow and ask some questions or just message me in general that's a cool place to do it! i don't post on there but I check every day!!
> 
> also in the process of making a playlist for this fic and if you have any song suggestions you should let me know on there !!


	11. Slipping

_He can’t do this._

God, how did he fall so far from grace? He stares at the letter sitting atop his exam with disbelief, shock, disgust. He’s never done so poorly on anything academic in his life. His GPA is taking rapid-fire right now. He’s shaking. He got a C.

When he first got his test back, he folded it in half so that wandering eyes could not see the red ink blemishing the front page. He wanted to cry right then. The room feels impossibly warm and he can’t seem to get a deep breath in his lungs. He knows it’s stupid, to be crying over one bad grade when there are probably kids in this class with failing grades, but he can’t help the tears that run past his cheeks when he sits on his bed later that afternoon. They seem to last forever. He’s never been so disappointed in himself.

This is why he sits in the library during lunch the following Monday, his knees pressed to his chest and his face in a book. He’s aiming to redeem himself; he needs to redeem himself right now. He’s still so upset, so disheartened that he can’t bear to look at any of his smart friends until he feels like he’s on their level again. Fundy would never get a C. He’s pretty sure Tubbo has never gotten a B in his life. He used to be like that. He’s slipping.

Karl sniffles and continues to read. He’s got more exams coming up and he can’t repeat his past mistakes. He needs to focus. He’s got to focus.

Except, that concept is thrown out the window when he hears the sound of keys hitting the wooden table. He snaps his head up, “Sap?”

“Hey!” Sapnap smiles at him. He slides into the seat across from him. “I heard.”

Karl’s face drops. He closes his book solemnly. “O-Oh. How?”

“George.” Sapnap answers. He reaches across the table and grabs Karl’s hand, stroking the back with his thumb. Karl takes a deep breath. “I have a plan.”

“A plan? That can’t be good.” Karl laughs softly. “For what?”

Sapnap grins, “To cheer you up, goofball! I don’t like seeing you all mopey. I miss your beautiful smile.”

“Stop,” Karl ducks his head, but smiles, nonetheless. Sapnap wins the battle every single time. “I don’t need cheering up. I just need to study- “

“And you can study later,” Sapnap finishes with a squeeze to his hand before he pulls away entirely. Karl is suddenly way too cold. He watches as the other boy reaches into his backpack to grab a notebook. He pushes his curls out of his face, his hand adorned with silver. He’s mesmerizing. “Now, watch the master work.”

Karl raises his eyebrows. Sapnap begins to write, the pen moving fluidly along paper, and Karl takes in every flick of his wrist. His left hand presses the notebook down and Karl wants to reach out for it, but he decides against it in favor of looking at the way Sapnap’s tongue peeks between his teeth, running across his lips every now and again.

He looks up after a few minutes and pushes the book towards him, “Read.”

Karl does what he’s told, and his eyes begin to skim the page. He looks up when he’s done in disbelief, “This is an early excuse note.”

“Yep,” Sapnap nods. He looks proud of himself.

“How did you get your handwriting to look so feminine?” Karl asks.

“It’s a talent,” Sapnap shrugs. He hands Karl the pen. “Forge her signature and we can go slide this to the office lady.”

Karl’s eyes widen, “Wh-What? You can’t possibly think this will work?! You whipped this out in two minutes- “

“And that exactly why it’s gonna work! Parents don’t take hours writing excuse notes, come on,” Sapnap retorts. He does have a point. “Just sign it and then I can break you out of here and we can go do something fun. Anything you want.”

Karl contemplates it for a moment. He really shouldn’t ditch the rest of his day; he should stay here and finish his work and continue to read like the diligent student he is. Maybe, though, he’s tired of doing what he should do. Maybe he wants to be a little spontaneous, or maybe it’s the allure of Sapnap’s eyes on him that leads him to click the pen. He grins, “Anything, you say?”

Sapnap beams back and he signs the paper, “Anything for you, Karl Jacobs.”

The walk to the office is a bit scary to him, to be honest. He’s never been to the office, not purposely anyway. Sapnap holds his hand the whole way there, and people stare at them a bit, but it feels great and it makes him feel giddy inside. _Is this what it feels like to have someone?_ It’s like a dream. He has to be sleepwalking.

Sapnap hands the lady at the front desk the note with a smile before dragging Karl through the front doors and to his car. He has deja vu from last week when the cold wind was blowing in his face and Sapnap was surrounding him. Sapnap is everywhere, all the time. It’s a really good thing he’s not claustrophobic.

He folds his hands in his lap from the passenger’s side. “I can’t believe that worked.”

“I told you, I’m a master!” Sapnap grins as he pulls out of the parking lot. “What do you want to do?”

Karl hums. He looks at Sapnap, whose side profile is gleaning in the sun, “I wanna go ice skating.”

Sapnap’s eyebrows raise, “Ice skating? Aren’t you like, the clumsiest person on Earth?”

“Shut up!” Karl laughs, “You’ve got your secret talents, and I’ve got mine.”

Sapnap groans in disbelief as he makes a turn to the nearest lake. All the ponds have frozen over now that it’s the middle of winter, and Karl is excited. He may be clumsy in almost every aspect of his life, but he learned to skate when he was young and he’s pretty good at it. He likes to skate. It makes him feel free.

Sapnap looks a little nervous when they step out of the car and into the snow. Karl grabs his hand and pulls him towards the ice with a smile on his face. “I haven’t been ice skating in so long!”

“I’ve… ” Sapnap stutters out. A man at the booth hands him a pair of skates. “I've never been ice skating, actually.”

Karl gapes, “I thought winter was your favorite season?”

“Rude,” Sapnap nudges him with his elbow. They’re sitting on a bench, side by side. “Can you help me with these stupid shoes?”

Soon, they’re on the ice, Karl holding both of Sapnap’s hands in his own. They’re taking slow steps together and Karl feels like they’re dancing in an empty ballroom. Just the two of them, alone in this world forever.

“Okay, so you want to lean a bit forward and start slowly,” Karl explains. Sapnap has a death grip on his forearms and he looks pale. “After you start getting your balance, I’ll let go- “

“No!” Sapnap yelps, “Don’t you dare let go of me, Karl Jacobs!”

Karl giggles, “I won’t yet! Gosh, you’re so clingy!”

“Of course, I’m clingy! I don’t want to fall!” Sapnap yells. He slips a bit on the ice and Karl braces him. “Karl, this is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve lived a full life!”

Karl can’t help but laugh as they slowly skate around the pond, “It’s fun! The wind in your face feels so nice.”

“The only nice thing about this is that I get to be close to you,” Sapnap sighs, and Karl blushes. “You’re so fucking pretty, Jacobs.”

Karl groans, “Why do you have to do that?”

“Do what?” Sapnap’s face falls. Karl’s heart pangs.

“You just… You say so many things,” Karl breathes. Sapnap’s cheeks are the prettiest pink he’s ever seen. He can see the light freckles dusting his face from how close they’re standing, and they look like intricate constellations. He’s so beautiful too, but Karl doesn’t dare say it out loud. “Everything you say affects me. Everything.”

“Everything you are affects me,” Sapnap says in return, and Karl is so thrown off that he trips over his own foot and pulls them both down onto the ice. Sapnap lands on top of him, hands on his back to brace his impact. “Ow, Karl! I thought I would be the one to fall.”

“You… You distracted me,” Karl is in shambles. Sapnap moves his hands to either side of his head and Karl’s hands are intertwined in the cotton of the other boy’s turtleneck. Their eye contact is so intense he feels like he’s about to combust, this entire lake is about to melt under the heat of their gaze. He’s breathing heavily and the white puffs that leave his mouth mix with Sapnap’s. He watches the boy lean in closer. “Nick.”

“Karl,” Sapnap mumbles. His eyes flick down to Sapnap’s mouth. He licks his lips. “God, Karl. You’re eating me alive.”

“I…” Karl doesn’t know what to say as Sapnap leans closer and closer and closer. Their nose's brush and Sapnap’s eyes are slowly shutting and he quickly turns his head and pushes the other boy softly. “I’m n-not ready, I’m sorry, I don’t- “

Sapnap climbs off of him frantically, “Hey, hey, it's okay. I rushed you.”

“You-You just make me feel so much,” Karl’s voice is shaky. He looks directly at Sapnap, who looks a bit worried. “I’m floating right now, Nick. I’m walking in the air and I can’t even comprehend it. I just- “

“I know,” Sapnap puts a hand on his cheek. Karl relaxes into it. “I’ll be here when you know, okay?”

“Okay,” Karl gulps. He grabs Sapnap’s hands and helps him stand. “We’ve already been here for a while.”

Sapnap nods, “Do you want me to take you home?”

“Uhm, yeah. That would be nice.” Karl bites his lip as he takes off his shoes. He ruined it, everything they shared has gone down the drain in his stupid moment of fear. The way their noses touched resonates in his brain. He should’ve kissed him; he could’ve kissed him and it would’ve been absolute perfection. It would’ve cleared every cloud in the sky. He would’ve been complete.

When they get in the car, Karl hugs his body, “I’m sorry.”

“You can stop apologizing,” Sapnap replies softly. “I have little self-control around you.”

Karl smiles, “You still make me nervous, just in a different way now.”

Sapnap laughs, “We have some problems, apparently.”

“Yeah, I guess we do,” Karl sighs. The rest of the car ride is silent, aside from some soft Christmas music playing in the background, but Karl is content. He almost messed up one of the best things to ever happen to him. He’s so positive that Sapnap is his favorite person. That boy is his sun, his moon, and every single star in the sky wrapped into an omnipresent human being. He never wants to stop stargazing.

They pull up to the front of Karl’s house. “Well, we’re here.”

“Yeah,” Karl exhales. He grabs his bag off the floor. “Thank you for cheering me up.”

“Always,” Sapnap smiles.

Karl opens the car door and steps halfway out before his heart gets the best of him, “Nick?”

Sapnap’s staring at him, “Yeah, Karl?”

Karl grins, “I wanted to. I really did.”

“Me too,” Sapnap replies. “See you soon, goofball.”

_He’s ruined. Completely and utterly ruined._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for 5.6k omg you guys are crazy !!! the next chapter is gonna be my favorite chapter ever you have no idea


	12. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls enjoy this 2.8k chapter ily

It’s Friday and he’s so thankful. He’s finished with most of his midterms now and Christmas is rapidly approaching. He needs a break.

Sapnap has been hanging out with him more in the library during lunch and his free period. He loves spending time with him, getting to know him more and more every second they spend intertwined. Sapnap would pull his chair next to Karl’s and lay his head on Karl’s shoulder while he reads or play with the fingers on his left hand while he writes with the other. Every little nuance and small act make Karl’s heart keen.

He’s walking to his locker, his last period of the day finally over when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and unlocks it, a text from Alex appearing. He reads it over. Apparently, they’re having an emergency debate meeting, and he needs to be in their usual room in five minutes.

He frowns. Why wasn’t he informed of the meeting beforehand? He was the president, after all. He knows he missed on Monday, but someone could’ve told him earlier, especially Alex. As he heads over to the classroom, he clenches and unclenches his fists. He’s nervous and he feels like something is being hidden from him. He hates that feeling.

He pushes open the door. All the other members are here already, sitting on various desks scattered around the room. George is leaning against the wall with a distraught look scribbled on his face. Alex’s eyes bounce around the room but never land on Karl.

“Karl,” Tommy greets. “Take a seat.”

“What is this about?” Karl asks, ignoring the other boys’ statement. “Why didn’t you guys tell me about this earlier? We never meet on Fridays.”

Tommy clears his throat, “Well, Karl, you weren’t here on Monday and that made us worried for the sake of the club. You’re supposed to be our president, but you haven’t been paying attention, you’ve been skipping, and you haven’t been putting any work into your job.”

“Wh-What?” Karl is dumbfounded. “I missed _one_ day!”

“You’ve been missing all month, Karl! Don’t you get it?” Tommy argues, raising his voice slightly. Karl flinches. “We had a vote, and we decided that you’re no longer fit to run our club. I’m sorry.”

Karl’s heart drops, “Y-You can’t do that. Guys, please- “

“It’s been decided, Karl,” Tubbo says softly. “We’re really sorry. We just don’t feel like you’re invested anymore.”

“I…” Karl can’t even think of the right words to say. He feels absolutely crushed. A mountain has just been dropped on top of him. He’s no Atlas. He can’t hold up the world. “I…”

George pushes off the wall and grabs his arm, “I told you guys to give him a chance. C’mon Karl, let’s go.”

He allows George to pull Karl out of the room as tears start falling from his eyes. When they get into the hallway, he sags into his friend and he’s pulled into a hug. “I’m so sorry, Karl. I tried to reason with them, I really did.”

He sniffles, “And Alex?”

“Karl,” He lifts his head off of George’s shoulder before the boy can respond. Alex is standing in front of the door, a guilty look on his face.

“Did you?” Karl repeats, pushing off of George. He wipes his tears away on the back of his hoodie. “Answer me, Alex.”

“Karl,” Alex replies. He reaches out to Karl, but he jerks away. “they had some valid points.”

Karl scoffs, “Really? What valid points? Th-That I missed one day because I was sad? That’s not valid at all! We all have missed- “

“Karl, you don’t hang out with us anymore!” Alex yells out. It startles Karl because Alex doesn’t ever yell at him. “You’re always ditching us to hang out with Sapnap, always!”

“Don’t you dare bring him into this!” Karl argues. “He has _nothing_ to do with this!”

Alex harshly laughs, “Yes he does! Don’t you get it! You’re slipping, Karl, and it’s because of him!”

“You’re the one that told me to figure it out!” Karl says, exasperated. “Here I am, doing exactly what you requested!”

Alex shakes his head, “I didn’t ask you to change.”

“I haven’t changed,” Karl retorts. “I’m still me. Maybe you’re the one that’s changed.”

He regrets the words a few hours later when he’s sitting at his desk, doodling in his journal. He feels like Alex may have had a point, even if he doesn’t agree. He hasn’t changed, right? He’s still Karl Jacobs: the clumsy boy with good grades and few friends. He’s still simple.

His pen is drawing sloppily on paper when he hears something hit his window. He looks outside; It’s dark, the only illumination coming from the yellow streetlamps lined up along basic houses but swears he sees a shadow in his backyard, and he freezes. “Karl!”

“S-Sapnap?” Karl stutters out. His eyes slowly make him out in the ink of night. He’s dressed warmly and he looks so cuddly in his white sweater and red mittens. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to see you!” Sapnap’s voice echoes on his empty street. Karl’s stomach does backflips.

“You could’ve just knocked, silly.” Karl laughs. He leans a bit further out his window. He wants to be closer. He needs to be closer.

He watches Sapnap shrug, “I don’t know, maybe you’ve got a curfew or bars on your windows! Could you just get down here!”

“I’m not Harry Potter, you imbecile! Give me a moment!” Karl yells down before closing his window and running to his closet. He grabs his softest red sweater and a pair of jeans and throws them on with a beanie and his converse. God, only Sapnap has the ability to get him to leave his house after 8. He’d never do this for anyone else.

He runs down the stairs and to the front door, where Sapnap is leaning against the frame. Karl gulps. He looks like fire. “Hi.”

“Hey, cutie,” Sapnap grins. Karl is certain his face matches the color of his sweater. “Ready for an adventure?”

“An adventure, with you?” Karl giggles, “I guess I could be up for it.”

“Good,” Sapnap says as Karl locks his front door. “I have the best plan ever.”

He holds the passenger door open and Karl gives him a smile as he slides in, “Better than all your other plans?”

Sapnap gets in beside him and shoves his keys in the ignition, “Oh yeah, baby. This plan is a masterpiece.”

_Baby._ It spins around his head and makes him dizzy. He’s never been called an endearment like that before and he didn’t know enchanting it could be. His heart blooms a thousand flowers at the thought of being Sapnap’s baby.

“How was your day?” Sapnap breaks the trance. He reaches over the center to console to hold Karl’s hand, the warmth blocked by his gloves.

He frowns, “Not very good.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Sapnap’s eyes flit between him and the road.

Karl squeezes his hand tighter. “I got demoted in debate club. I’m no longer president. I also got in a fight with Alex.”

“They demoted you?” Sapnap questions. “Wait, you got in a fight? Over what?”

Karl gulps, “You.”

He watches Sapnap’s eyes widen, “M-Me?”

“You,” Karl repeats softly. He looks out at the lights flickering in the distance. “He…He said I spend too much time with you, that I’ve changed.”

Sapnap hums lowly, “Do you think that true?”

“No,” Karl states honestly. “I like spending time with you. You make me feel… safe.”

“Ironic,” Sapnap laughs and Karl looks at him confused. He didn’t realize how long they’d been driving until Sapnap is pulling into an empty parking lot. “because what we're about to do isn’t very safe.”

“Wh-What? Sapnap!” Karl gasps as Sapnap turns off the car and gets out with a smirk, leaving Karl alone in the car. He quickly hops out and follows him. “You left me!”

Sapnap grins as they trudge through the snow, “I didn’t leave you, see? I’m right here.”

Karl rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest, “Where are we headed?”

Sapnap points in front of him, “There.”

Karl looks over the huge building across the street. It’s the aquarium; He’s been here a bunch of times for school trips and afternoon activities with his family. It’s calming there, to sit and watch the fish swim in little circles around each other in the clearest water Karl thinks he’s ever seen. He’s only been during the day, but he’s fairly certain it closes around seven, which is why he asks, “Is it even open?”

They make it to the gate of the building. Sapnap winks, “Nope.”

Karl freezes, “S-Sap, w-we are not breaking into the aquarium. Are you crazy?”

“Yes,” Sapnap says before starting to climb the thick wall in front of them. Karl watches with wide eyes. Sapnap does it effortlessly, he doesn’t even break a sweat as he pulls himself to the top. He reaches down to Karl, who is shaking his head profusely, “Take my hand.”

“Sapnap, no!” Karl yelps. “We can get in big trouble-“

“Don’t you trust me?” Sapnap asks with a pout. Karl feels his resolve sinking. “C’mon, Jacobs, take my hand!”

Karl groans and grabs Sapnap’s hand. It’s a struggle at first, to get his grip tight enough and to get his footing on the wall, but soon he’s being pulled up slowly. When he hits the top, he lets go and wipes his hands on his jeans. He looks at Sapnap, “Why can’t I say no to you?”

“I don’t know,” Sapnap replies. “but I’m happy about it.”

He helps Karl down the other side, his hands gripping Karl’s waist. His fingers run across his sides softly and Karl shivers. Sapnap pulls a bobby pin in his pocket, and he pulls it out to pick the lock on the door as he explains to Karl that the cameras inside are for show and don’t actually work.

“How do you know so much?” Karl asks with a laugh.

“Sam used to work here,” Sapnap pushes the door open. He gestures for Karl to go inside, “After you.”

It’s dark when he first steps inside, but Sapnap flicks a switch or two, and the place lights up like a Christmas tree. There are neon lights in every tank and they glow so brightly. Karl is in awe; It’s so beautiful in here at night, and Karl would’ve never had this experience without the boy that’s currently pulling him through the rows of tanks. He feels like he’s gone, so far gone for Sapnap, and suddenly being lost isn’t so bad.

He’s dragged to the best part of the aquarium, the tunnel. Fish and stingrays swim above them and Karl looks up with a giggle, “This... This is everything.”

He looks back at Sapnap, who’s grinning at him with a fond smile, “I told you.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a masterpiece, even if this is against the law,” Karl grumbles. He presses his hands on the glass.

“You’re the masterpiece,” Sapnap breathes out. Karl turns to him. “God, I wish I had a camera right now. You look so fucking gorgeous, always.”

And Karl wants to refute him so badly. _He's the gorgeous one_. His profile is ingenious, the way the blue reflects off his skin so wonderfully that he can’t even form words. He blows Karl’s mind through the atmosphere, so far back through space and time that Karl feels like he’s been born again.

“You’re ridiculous,” is what comes out of his mouth instead.

Sapnap walks closer and wraps an arm around his hips. Karl instinctively leans into his touch, resting his head on the other boys’ shoulder. “Why do you always brush me off like that?”

Karl shrugs, “Not used to it...to you.”

He feels Sapnap’s cheek nuzzle the top of his head, “Karl, you are so beautiful. I’ll say it a million times because it’s true.”

Karl turns and buries his face in Sapnap’s shoulder, “You’re killing me, stop it.”

“You’re so pretty, baby,” Sapnap whispers in his ear. The hot breath hits his neck and goosebumps erupt like lava, cascading all the way down to his toes. “You’re stunning. You’re ethereal. You’re everything and more.”

Karl huffs and pushes away slightly, whining, “Stop, Sapnap. You can’t just…”

“Can’t just what?”

Karl looks up at him and licks his lips. The blue light makes Sapnap’s eyes glow. “Play with my feelings.”

“I…” Whatever Sapnap was going to say is interrupted by the alarms in the building blaring out. Karl jumps at the noise and Sapnap grabs his hand, “Shit! We gotta go!”

They run out of the building, Karl trying his best not to trip at their fast pace. It’s a rush he’s never felt before, his adrenaline pumps under his skin, and his legs are moving faster than ever before. Sapnap scales the wall and pulls him over and they don’t stop running until they’re halfway across the street. Karl turns around to make sure no one is following them and rams straight into Sapnap, and they both fall into the snow beneath them.

Sapnap laughs softly, “You’re such a klutz.”

Karl groans. Their position mirrors how they were on the ice on Monday, Sapnap’s weight on top of him, his arms tangled in his sweater. Karl looks up at him, “Shut up.”

“That was fun,” Sapnap says. “We end up like this a lot.”

“Yeah,” Karl sighs. Sapnap’s cheeks are rosy and his freckles gleam in the moonlight and Karl wants to rectify his past mistakes right here. “Nick.”

“Yes, Karl?” Sapnap responds.

Karl’s eyes flick down to the other boys’ lips. “Kiss me, please. Make me believe you.”

“Gladly,” Sapnap beams. It’s a freeze-frame, the way Sapnap leans down to meet him. He closes his eyes. The pressure is delightful; Sapnap’s lips are warm and soft. Hands travel to cup his face as they move slowly against each other, his lips parting slightly when Sapnap presses further. His heart is beating out of his chest. He’s never felt this alive before, he feels like he’s breathing for the first time. This kiss is like falling apart and coming back together. He’s complete. He’s kissing Sapnap

Sapnap pulls away, his hands still on Karl’s face. Karl didn’t want it to end, “Was that okay?”

Karl nods, “Much more than okay.”

Sapnap sits up and stands to his feet, Karl repeating his actions. Sapnap rubs the back of his neck and Karl can’t keep the smile off his face. He wants to kiss him again. “It’s late. We should probably get you home.”

Karl nods and they head back to the car. The whole way back he’s in heaven. He’s never going to forget about tonight. He’s addicted, addicted to the way Sapnap touches him and the way he tastes. He’s ruined for anyone else. This is the best drug on the planet and wants to breathe it in and get high until he can no longer remember his own name and the only word uttered from his lips is _Nick_.

They pull up to his house and Sapnap puts the car in park. He gets out slowly. He dreads leaving. Sapnap follows him and he turns, “What are you doing?”

“Walking you to your door,” Sapnap chuckles. “I’m trying to be a gentleman.”

Karl giggles and walks up the small steps to his porch. He bites his lip, “Well, we’re here.”

“We are,” Sapnap agrees.

“Uhm,” Karl doesn’t know what to say. “Thank you, even if you almost got us arrested.”

“We would’ve been fine,” Sapnap shakes his head with a laugh. He grabs Karl’s hands. “Do you really think I’m playing with your feelings?”

Karl shrugs and Sapnap leans forward and kisses him softly before pulling away, pressing their foreheads together, “My feelings for you are real, Karl. I’d never lie to you, not about this.”

Karl grins and kisses him again. He feels Sapnap smile against his lips. “I believe you.”

Sapnap leans in again. This kiss is airy and light, and it lasts for seconds before Sapnap pulls away entirely. “I wanna kiss you until the world caves in.”

“I hope it never does then,” Karl smiles. He regretfully lets go of Sapnap’s hands. “Goodnight, Sap.”

“Goodnight, cutie,” Sapnap winks before walking back to his car. Karl unlocks his door with shaky hands and steps inside, quickly shutting it and leaning against it with his back. His head bounces on the wood. He’s so screwed.

_He likes Sapnap._ He doesn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR AND COME TALK TO ME @jiliwastaken  
> also the playlist will hopefully be posted at the end of the next chapter!!
> 
> thank you for the love !!!


	13. Silver

Karl’s converse squeak on the floor. His arms hurt. Why does George love to shop so much?

He’s been dragged to the mall by his friend on the prospect of Christmas shopping, but George has only bought himself gifts. He has no concept of saving money, and usually, Alex would be the one to stop him, but he’s not with them. Karl hasn’t seen him in days.

He’s not one for confrontation, but he’s mad at Alex. The boy gave him no chance to explain and threw him under the bus. He made him lose his job, something that he cared a lot about and worked hard at. He doesn’t understand Alex or his frustration, and a part of him doesn’t want to. Karl may not get angry easily, but he can hold a grudge forever.

“Are we actually gonna shop?” Karl whines, hiking the bag full of George’s candles further on his shoulder. “I have people to buy for.”

“Oh, quit whining. You knew what you signed up for when you came with me,” George rolls his eyes.

“You forced me to come,” Karl deadpans and George laughs as he leads them into a jewelry store. The scent of metal hits his nose and his face scrunches, “Please tell me you’re not buying yourself any diamonds. Your mom is gonna kill you-

“I’m not buying diamonds, you nimrod!” George walks up to one of the counters. A worker smiles at them and George looks at her, “Hi! Can I see the necklace?”

She nods and walks to the back of the store. Karl is very confused. “Have you been here before?”

George grins, “I’m getting my boyfriend the best possible gift.”

“Which is?” Karl asks. The lady returns with a box and hands it to George. He giggles softly as he lifts the box and reveals a necklace. The charm is a small silver axe, and it glistens in the artificial light of the store. Karl’s eyes widen, “Wow.”

“Right?!” George is practically singing. He closes the box and sets it on the counter. “I’m the best boyfriend ever.”

Karl laughs with a nod, “Totally. It’s beautiful. Why an axe?”

“Uhm,” George stutters out. He looks a little embarrassed. “Axes are commonly known as a symbol of creation, and I think Dream has helped me create something so exceptionally wonderful. We…We’re wonderful together and I… I think I love him.”

Karl raises his eyebrows, “That’s…really amazing, George. I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks,” George flushes. “You wanna get something in here?”

Karl looks around, “I, uh, I don’t know? I’m not really good at giving gifts.”

“Oh c’mon,” George waves him off and leads them to a different counter. “Look at these. Who do they remind you of? See any you like?"

Karl looks through the glass at all the silver, and he spots a thick ring that screams Sapnap’s name. He looks back to George, “Th-That ring is nice?”

George waves an employee over and Karl internally panics. _Should he even get Sapnap a gift?_ They never talked about Christmas. _Does he even celebrate Christmas?_ Karl is severely overthinking this.

He examines the ring carefully. He tries to picture it on Sapnap’s finger, the way the cool metal would press against him when they hold hands, or how it would feel when Sapnap’s runs delicately along his sides. He blushes, “It’s really nice.”

“For Sapnap?” George speculates. Karl’s face is on fire. “I like it. You two are certainly getting closer.”

_Closer_ is an understatement. “Y-Yeah, we’ve been hanging out a lot.”

“Just hanging?” George asks. Karl groans. _How is he so insightful?_

He clears his throat, “We, uhm, we kissed.”

George’s eyes widen so comically that Karl would’ve laughed if not for the immense fear filling him. “Karl! You had your first kiss?!”

“Uhm,” Karl chokes out, “I had my first four kisses, actually.”

“Karl Jacobs!” George yelps. He looks super excited and that makes Karl feel ten times better. “When were you gonna tell me this?”

“I don’t know. I’m still kind of processing it,” Karl rubs the back of his neck. “I think I like him, George.”

“Think?” George says, laughing softly. “Karl, you totally like him! I’ve never seen you so happy.”

Karl giggles, “He does make me happy. I’m just…”

George tilts his head, “Just?”

“Scared,” Karl finishes his statement. George gives him a confused look. “I’ve never felt this way before, George, and Alex already thinks I’ve changed so much- “

“Don’t listen to Alex, Karl,” George shakes his head. “You’re allowed to grow as a person. I don’t know what his problem is.”

Karl shrugs, “I don’t want him to hate me, though. Not for this.”

“He shouldn’t,” George reassures. He softly brushes Karl’s arm in a comforting way. “and if he does, then he’s a dick. You can like whoever you want, and you have the right to develop that however you need to.”

Karl gives him a smile, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” George returns the smile. “We’re totally talking about this later, by the way. First, though, get your wallet out.”

“What?” Karl says. “Why?”

George points at the ring that’s still sitting on the counter. “You’re buying that, but we’re getting it engraved too.”

And, wow, George is very good at this. He would never think to get the jewelry engraved. “Isn’t that really extra?”

“I think the word you’re looking for is romantic,” George smirks. They spend about ten minutes arguing over what to put on the inside of the ring, but they finally come up with something that they both like and Karl thinks it's perfect. He really hopes Sapnap likes it, even though he has no idea when he’s going to get to opportunity to give it to him. It’s gonna be awkward, especially because he’s sure Sapnap didn’t think to get him anything and he doesn’t want to make him feel bad.

He’s instructed to come back tomorrow and pick it up, so he thanks them with a smile and they leave the store. George takes him to a few more stores in the mall, but he's hungry and tired and he just wants to take a nap, so George drives him home shortly after.

He thanks George with a smile and puts his hand on the door to exit the car, but George stops him, “Karl?”

He turns, “Yeah, George?”

“Thanks for coming with me,” George smiles.

Karl laughs, “No problem, Gogy. You should tell Dream.”

“Wh-What?” George seems to freeze. “Y-You…You don’t think it’s too soon? We’ve only been dating for about two months…”

Karl nods at him enthusiastically, “Dream gave me really good advice once. He won’t push you away, I promise. Tell him.”

“Okay, I will,” George takes a deep breath. He grins, “You better practice what you preach though.”

Karl giggles, “Maybe. Bye, George. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” George repeats before Karl gets out of his car. He gives him a small wave as his best friend drives away. He wishes him the best, truly. He loves George a lot and he wants his relationship to work out. He really does.

_Maybe he can have the same, someday._

He hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yawn this is a filler sorry  
> next chapter though ;D
> 
> how do we feel about sapnotfound (georgexsapnap)? i want to write dnf but at the same time i like rare ships and i feel like there are a lot of dnf's ou there !!


	14. Exchanges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW // mild smut

His Christmas starts like this.

He wakes up and immediately walks downstairs to open his presents. His mom hands him a cup of hot cocoa and gives him a smile. He sits on the couch and opens the few presents that are neatly wrapped under the Christmas tree he decorated. He receives a new laptop, something he’s been needing for a while now, and some basic things, like socks and clothing. He’s happy with that; He didn’t need a lot of things, nor did he want them.

His mother, unfortunately, has to leave for work because they have an emergency, and his mood falls flat. He doesn’t want to be alone, not on Christmas, but he has no choice. He hugs her goodbye and watches her walk out the door. Alone again, like always.

He decides to spend the time setting up his computer, which ends up not taking him that long because he’s pretty tech-savvy. It runs smoothly and he’s content with it, so then he heads to the kitchen to bake some cookies. They already have a ton in Tupperware containers, spread along his island because he likes to stress-bake, but he’s got nothing better to do.

He’s midway through getting all the ingredients out of cabinets when there’s a knock on his door. He yawns and rubs his face softly, and when he opens the door he’s acutely aware of how awful he looks in his fleece pajamas. “Hi, Sapnap.”

The boy is bundled up in a thick, fluffy jacket and a beanie over his curly mop of hair. His cheeks and the tip of his nose are flushed from the cold. He looks insanely adorable. He leans against the doorframe and he’s got boxes in his gloved hands. “Hey, cutie. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!” Karl giggles. “What are you doing here?”

Sapnap softly bites his lip and Karl’s eyes immediately follow the action. God, he hasn’t seen him in a week. He’s never felt so touch starved. “I have a gift for you. Well, gifts, but…Can I come in?”

Karl nods softly and pushes the door open further so Sapnap can shimmy his way inside. Karl shuts the door behind him and turns. Sapnap is staring at him expectantly. “What?”

He looks up and Karl shadows his eyes, “Mistletoe, Karl. You know what that means.”

“I-I don’t…” Karl stutters as Sapnap sets the presents on the floor. He feels an arm wrap around his waist slowly and he presses his hands on the other boy’s chest, feeling the soft material of his sweater. “Did you know mistletoe is poisonous to animals, especially- “

Sapnap cuts him off when he softly connects their lips. It only lasts for a second or two, but the electricity that runs through his veins and pools in his stomach feels so powerful. Sapnap is lightening and Karl is an electric wire, and he’s ready to blackout. He sighs into the other boy’s mouth as Sapnap runs his hand through Karl’s hair.

“Mm, you taste like hot chocolate,” He pulls away and Karl has the urge to follow. Sapnap grins down at him, “Ready to open your presents?”

“Yeah, but give me one second,” Karl replies in a daze. Sapnap gives him a thumbs up and he quickly darts up the stairs and to his room, grabbing the small, wrapped box off his shelf before returning to his living room. Sapnap has taken off his jacket and beanie and is currently sitting on his couch, texting on his phone. He fits perfectly and Karl wants him to stay there forever.

Sapnap looks up at him with a grin. He pats the cushion next to him, “There you are! That took you forever.”

“No, it didn’t, loser,” Karl rolls his eyes. He slides down next to Sapnap and is met with a hand on his thigh, pulling him until his legs are swinging over Sapnap’s. The hand remains there, running up and down his leg and Karl thinks he’s going to pass out from the feeling. “I-uh, g-got you something too.”

He hands Sapnap the box and the boy gives him a smile as he passes over Karl’s boxes. One of them is significantly large than the other and he hopes it’s nothing too expensive. Sapnap shakes his box slightly and Karl hits his chest softly, “Don’t do that!”

“Why? Is it gonna break?” Sapnap asks.

“Just open it, weirdo,” Karl laughs. He watches Sapnap stick his tongue out at him before he slowly peels off the wrapping paper, revealing a grey box. Sapnap opens it slowly and his grin widens. Karl bites his lip, “Do you like it?”

“Do I like it?” Sapnap repeats. He pulls out the ring and examines it. “Karl, it’s perfect. I love it, thank you!”

Karl blushes, “Look on the inside.”

Sapnap turns the band. He gasps, “Is that- “

“Yeah,” Karl giggles. Sapnap leans forward and kisses his cheek.

“I can tell we’re gonna be great together. Love, K,” Sapnap reads. “Karl, that’s like, one of the first things I ever said to you.”

Karl nods, “Yeah. That day… you changed my life.”

“You changed mine too,” Sapnap squeezes his thigh, “Open yours. The big one first.”

Karl sets the smaller one to the side and starts to rip off the paper of the bigger one. It’s a plain box and he slides the top off to reveal a deep purple sweater. He lifts it up. It has a green spiral running through the middle of it. He looks at Sapnap, “I like it. It’s pretty.”

“It reminded me of you,” Sapnap hums. Karl folds it neatly and places it back in the box. “The other gift is way better, though.”

“I’m sure I’ll like them equally, Sapnap,” Karl laughs softly. He picks the other box up and shakes it, which makes Sapnap shake his head. Then, he unwraps it with precision and throws the paper behind him. It looks similar to the box Sapnap’s ring was in, except it’s a tad bit larger, and Karl looks at the other skeptically before opening it. His eyes widen, “Sapnap…”

Inside is a necklace with a silver key hooked onto the thin chain. He lifts it out of the box, absolutely mesmerized. He looks at Sapnap in awe, and he’s rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “I know I said my lock didn’t mean anything, but I guess…I guess I want it to. I want you to have the key.”

“Sapnap…” Karl exhales. _It’s beautiful._ “I don’t know what to say. Th-Thank you, thank you so much.”

He leans forward and hugs Sapnap tightly. Sapnap laughs, “Of course, baby. Anything for you.”

Karl pulls away. _Baby_. Sapnap is trying to kill him. He’s got a revolver pointed at his heart, and every word is another trigger press away from ending his life. “D-Do you have to go home?”

“Nope,” Sapnap grins. He nuzzles his face in the junction of Karl’s neck and shoulder and Karl giggles. “My dad gave me permission to leave, so I’m yours for the day if you’ll have me.”

“I suppose you can be of use,” Karl says. He holds the necklace out. “Help me put this on and then we’re making cookies.”

Sapnap takes the necklace out of his hands before grabbing Karl’s hips tightly and turning him around, Karl squealing. The silver is placed in front of his face and looped around his neck. He feels Sapnap’s breath fanning his neck and he basks in the feeling of Sapnap’s fingers brushing away the curls behind his head. He hears the clasp lock, and a soft kiss is placed behind his ear. Karl shivers as Sapnap whispers in his ear, “All done.”

Karl turns and gives him a smile and grabs his hand, pulling him to the kitchen. Making cookies with Sapnap sounds like a dream come true, and as he explains the process, he relishes in the way Sapnap seems to be hanging off of every word he says. They end up getting flour all over the kitchen and Karl is extremely flustered by the way Sapnap stands behind him when he mixes the batter, but the cookies come out great and Karl is proud. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky, to be standing in his kitchen on Christmas with the most heavenly boy on the planet. He thanks every star in the sky, every deity known to man.

They decide to retire to Karl’s room to watch a Christmas movie, cookies on a plate in Sapnap’s hand because Karl can’t be trusted with them. They sit side by side on his bed and suddenly, Karl is a nervous wreck. He feels like he’s an insect that just got caught in a spider’s web, with the way Sapnap is currently staring at him while he turns on a movie. He’s got to be the most poisonous thing created, but he’s also the antidote to every worry Karl has ever had. His mind is at war.

He clicks on Elf and the movie starts, but Karl can’t focus. Sapnap’s hand is back on his thigh, his thumb rubbing circles deeply into his skin. He’s got the ring on and oh, it looks just as good as he imagined. He scoots a tad bit closer so that he can lay his head on Sapnap’s shoulder, but the other boy seems to have a different plan and starts to leave small kisses on his neck.

“Sap,” Karl sighs, unconsciously tilting his head back. Sapnap’s lips move down to his collarbone and he begins to nibble on Karl’s skin. _It feels so good_. “O-Oh, Sapnap, I- “

“Relax, baby,” Sapnap hums into his skin. Karl cannot relax. “I’ve got you.”

He reaches under Karl’s jaw and leaves a hot kiss on Karl’s lips, so deep that Karl feels it in his core. Karl whines softly as Sapnap licks his bottom lip before dipping his tongue in Karl’s mouth. Karl’s hands are frantically running along the other boy’s torso. Sapnap grips his waist with one hand and the back of his neck with the other.

“Sapnap,” Karl says breathlessly. “I-I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Sapnap’s lips are puffy and his pupils are so dilated that they look black. The boy is half on top of him and he can feel his hard-on pressing into his hip. “Is this okay? Can I…”

“Y-Yeah, yes please,” Karl whines. Sapnap is pressing soft kisses along his jaw, sucking on his skin every once in a while. “I just... don’t know anything about this.”

Sapnap runs his hands up Karl’s sides. “Just lay there and look pretty, okay? I’ll take care of you.”

Karl groans as he reconnects their lips. He’s so hyperaware of his body right now, every nerve ending on fire with every touch he receives. Sapnap leaves bruising kisses on his lips and neck and Karl is convinced that he’s in the promised land because nothing on Earth could ever result in such pleasure. Sapnap is fully on top of him now and with every movement, Karl falls deeper and deeper into his rapture. Their hips collide roughly and Karl moans. Every sound that falls from his lips is pure, unfiltered, and Karl wasn’t even aware he could make such noises. Sapnap brings everything out of him, every hidden desire, and he has no plans to stop it.

“Mm, Nick!” Karl moans after a particularly deep thrust. “Nick, I think I- “

“It’s okay. Me too,” Sapnap gasps into his mouth. He grabs Karl’s hands and pins them next to his head on the bed. Their hips seem to move faster, chasing the high they both desperately seek. “Let it go, baby. It’s okay.”

It hits Karl and he arches off the bed, whining from deep in his throat. Sapnap kisses him deeply and moans into his mouth and they're breathing heavily. Karl can’t believe that just happened, but the euphoria that washes over him clouds his better judgment and anxieties.

Sapnap rolls off of him and Karl reaches out for him with a whine. Sapnap runs his hand through Karl’s hair and shushes him, “Are you okay, Karl?”

Karl nods, “Felt good. Really good.”

Sapnap chuckles and kisses his temple. He can feel how sweaty his face is. “It was really good. You’re perfect, baby.”

“Wanna stay like this forever,” Karl says in a soft voice. He’s still so high-strung. “M’sticky.”

“Where do you keep your extra pants?” Sapnap asks and Karl points to his dresser. Sapnap leaves one more kiss in his hair before sliding off the bed. Karl’s world instantly feels colder without him.

He feels Sapnap pull his pants down to clean him up, but he’s so out of touch that he can’t even comprehend it. His body feels tired and his head is buzzing, and he closes his eyes. Sapnap redresses him and slides back into bed next to him, pulling him up further so that his head is resting on a pillow. He feels a blanket cover his body and arms loop around him. His back is pressed against Sapnap’s chest and Sapnap presses a kiss to the back of his neck, “Merry Christmas, Karl.”

“Mm,” Karl hums. He rests his hands over Sapnap’s. “Merry Christmas, Nick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the lore in the dream smp is super chaotic rn jeez. my tommy heart and my tubbo heart are BREAKING
> 
> i hope you enjoyed !! i cant believe this is already so close to 10k hits omg !!


	15. Brunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// mentions of sex

Karl wakes up extremely warm.

He’s pressed against something solid, his face buried in soft material. He slowly opens his eyes and his memory of yesterday slowly comes back. Sapnap is with him. _He’s sleeping next to Sapnap._

He’s wide awake now. Every one of there limbs are tangled together, and they look like interwoven vines. Karl looks up to his rose, who’s breath is soft puffing out of his mouth with every exhale. Sapnap’s arms are wrapped around his waist. He’s never cuddled with another person before, but he understands the appeal. It’s the safest Karl has ever felt, and he decides he wants to create a space inside himself where Sapnap can live forever. He never wants him to leave.

“Morning,” A voice rasps out and breaks his thoughts. Sapnap’s morning voice sends a chill down his spine. Sapnap rubs his back softly, Karl’s shirt riding up with the action. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Karl replies softly. He looks up at Sapnap fondly, “I’ve never shared a bed before.”

Sapnap raises his eyebrows, “Really? Did you like it?”

“Mhm,” Karl yawns. Sapnap smiles at him. “I think I liked it more because it’s you.”

Sapnap chuckles and runs a hand through Karl’s hair, “You’re so adorable.”

Karl hums and closes his eyes, snuggling further into the other. He hears a phone ring from somewhere in the room, but he doesn’t have the energy or care to inquire about it. He sinks further into the bed, enjoying the way Sapnap is massaging his scalp.

“Hey, Dream invited us to brunch,” Sapnap whispers into the silence. “You wanna get up and go?”

Karl groans, “Not particularly.”

Sapnap laughs and sits up slightly, which drags Karl up as well. “C’mon, goofball. I’m hungry and Dream’s paying. Let's not pass up on the free food.”

“Fine,” Karl agrees. He looks up at Sapnap, whose green eyes are luminous in the morning sun. “You get to carry me to the bathroom, though.”

“Deal,” Sapnap says. He swiftly moves one arm under Karl’s legs and the other around his back, and he picks Karl up. Karl squeals as he’s softly cradled off the bed and out of his room to the bathroom. He wraps his arms around Sapnap’s neck and Sapnap kisses his forehead sweetly. His affection for this boy grows stronger every single second they spend together.

Sapnap sets Karl on the counter. They brush their teeth together, Sapnap standing in between his legs. _Is this what it’s like to be domestic with someone?_ Karl’s house has never felt more like a home.

When Karl turns to spit in the sink, he freezes, “ _Sapnap!_ ”

“Huh?” Sapnap mumbles, the toothbrush still in his mouth.

“My neck!” Karl yelps. He touches the many bruises that litter his skin. He has no way to hide this. He glares at Sapnap, “Sapnap, what the honk!”

Sapnap spits in the sink before laughing at him, “I couldn’t rest. You just looked so…”

“So…?” Karl repeats with a huff.

“Gorgeous,” Sapnap smirks. He puts his hands on Karl’s hips and starts nosing at his neck, and Karl can’t stay mad at him for long. “You looked so fucking gorgeous underneath me. So sexy- “

“Sapnap,” Karl whines, pushing the other boy off. “Don’t do that right now. We’re supposed to be going somewhere.”

Sapnap grumbles, “Fine, fine, I’ll stop for now. Put on a turtleneck, babe, it’ll cover them.”

They dress rather quickly after that, having wasted precious time in the bathroom. They actually make it to the small diner on time, surprisingly. It’s the same diner as the one Sapnap took him to before and Karl gets a tingly feeling in his stomach. He remembers that night like it was yesterday, and he can’t believe that was over a month ago. The way Sapnap called him beautiful loops in his head. He should’ve known from that day how far he’d fall. He’s still freefalling through the sky, wind blowing harshly in his face, and he’s without a parachute. He may not have a safe landing.

Dream and George already have a table when they enter, pressed in the back of the restaurant. They’re smashed together on one side of the booth, so close they seem to merge into one. Sapnap grabs his hand and pulls him over, “Hi, guys!”

They both look up as Karl slides into the booth first. He likes to be pressed against the wall. It makes him feel safer. Dream smiles, “Hi! How are you guys?”

“We’re good, dude,” Sapnap’s eyes sparkle. George raises his eyebrows at Karl, and Karl blushes. “Did you guys spend Christmas together?”

“Yes,” George grins. He holds up his wrist and a gold bracelet that Karl has never seen before jingles. It looks really pretty, and Karl will have to inquire about it later. “Did you? We ordered for you, by the way. I know what Karl likes, and Dream said your food habits are predictable Sapnap.”

Sapnap scoffs as Karl replies, “We did. We had a lot of fun.”

“Fun,” George repeats. Dream chuckles. “I’m sure you did.”

The rest of the breakfast goes quickly. They make small talk and tell stories. Karl digs into his scrambled eggs and toast happily; George knows him so well. An hour feels like fifteen minutes when he’s surrounded by his friends. Karl is glad he’s getting closer to Dream as well. The boy is a really good person and watching him interact with George and Sapnap makes it hard to believe a few months ago they didn’t even know each other.

George taps his arm on the table, “Wanna go to the bathroom?”

Karl gives him a confused look but nods. He crawls over Sapnap’s lap, the other boy grabbing his sides to hoist him over, and he walks to the bathroom with George by his side. When they make it inside, George immediately locks them in, “Karl… I told him.”

Karl’s face breaks out in a grin, “Oh my gosh, really!”

“Mhm!” George squeals and steps closer to Karl, who's leaning against the sink counter. “He gave me this bracelet and I couldn’t contain it any longer. The best part is that he said it back. Karl, he loves me! Dream loves me!”

His heart soars for his best friend, “I’m so happy for you! That’s amazing.”

“He’s the one,” George rambles, “He’s my soulmate, Karl! There’s no one else who… Karl…”

“What?” Karl’s eyes widen.

George reaches forward so fast Karl can’t even react. He pulls down the edge of Karl’s turtleneck, leaving every purple hickey on display. George lets out a shocked gasp, “Oh my god- “

“George! Wait, it’s not-“

“Oh my god!” George gawks. “You had _sex!_ Karl Jacobs had sex!”

“N-No I did not!” Karl argues, pulling his collar back up. “Sapnap just got a little carried away, that’s all.”

George laughs, “That’s a lot more than carried away. He looks like he tried to devour you! Did you feed him at all?”

“You’re annoying,” Karl deadpans. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Is it so weird for me to do things? I know you and Dream have already done stuff.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a seventeen-year-old virgin, Karl. I’ve had relationships before,” George smiles. “It’s strange to hear about your feelings and stuff. It’s all so new to us.”

“Yeah,” Karl sighs. He tugs on the key around his neck nervously. There’s a moment of silence before he asks, “Do you think Alex was right after all?”

George’s demeanor goes from playful to serious instantaneously and it throws Karl off, “Alex…I talked to Alex, and… He’s got his reasons for the way he’s been acting. I can’t say anything else and I’m not defending him, I’m totally on your side, but I guess he’ll talk to you when he’s ready. I don’t think he’s right, but I understand where he’s coming from.”

Karl doesn’t know how to react to that, but he nods, “O-Okay, I guess. I miss him… everything is just happening so quickly. I wish…”

“I know,” George replies. He runs a hand along Karl’s arm. “Let’s get back to our boys.”

“He’s not my boy,” Karl grumbles.

George raises his eyebrows, “Don’t you want him to be?”

Karl bites his lip. _Yes._ “I…I guess so.”

“Then do something about it!” George says, grabbing his hand. “You’re scared and that’s normal. You gotta push past that.”

“What if I can’t?” Karl frowns. “I’m already clumsy, George. I’m losing my footing here. It’s all happening so fast and it’s not slowing down- “

“Karl, you’re siking yourself out here. Stop overthinking everything and let yourself feel. You know what’s best for you, now you just have to embrace it,” George advises. Karl looks at his dark eyes. He always knows exactly what to say.

Karl finds himself wrapping his arms around his friend, “Thank you. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” George whispers in his ear, returning the hug. “So much, Karl.”

He’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yawn i speedran this filler chapter bc i wanna get to the good stuff !!  
> on another note, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 11k HITS WTH ! absolutely insane ! i never saw this book getting to this point and seeing people talk about it on other platforms like tumblr and tiktok warms my heart so much !! thank you !!


	16. Infatuation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// alcohol

Karl doesn’t know how he got here.

He’s standing in the middle of a foreign living room. Neon lights flash all around him and music seems to vibrate the house. It’s packed here, and Karl feels exposed.

He’s here because George forced him to, with the promise that Dream and Sapnap would also be at this party, and apparently speaking Sapnap’s name can get him to do almost anything. So now he’s awkwardly rocking on his heels in the middle of Punz’s living room, watching people grind against each other and the smell of alcohol rolling through his nose.

George was with him, but he disappeared in the house the moment they stepped inside, saying he had to use the bathroom. Karl feels like that’s partially a lie, but he doesn’t argue about it. Instead, he finds a nice corner to curl himself in until his friend returns.

“Karl?” A voice says, making him jump and look up from his phone. There stands Alex, a dark beanie pulled over his head and a strange look on his face. Karl immediately puts his guard up. “H-Hi. I didn’t know you would be here.”

Karl rubs his arms, “Hello. Sapnap invited me.”

He doesn’t know why he said that, because Sapnap didn’t invite him at all. _Why did he say that?_ A frown flashes across Alex’s face, but it’s quickly replaced with a small smile, “Oh. That’s nice.”

“Yeah,” Karl mumbles. He sinks further into the wall. He really wishes George would come and save him right now. He can’t stand the silence, the cumbersome air that flows between them. He licks his lips, “I, uh, hope you had a nice Christmas.”

Alex clears his throat, “I did…Look, Karl, I- “

He’s interrupted when George comes running down the stairs next to them, dragging Dream behind him. Sapnap follows them too, and when they lock eyes, Karl smiles. He watches Sapnap climb off the last stair and walk over to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. Karl instantly melts into the touch. Sapnap looks down at him, “Hi, baby.”

Karl giggles, “Hi.”

Sapnap kisses the top of his head before directing his attention to Alex, who is looking anywhere but them. “Hello, Alex.”

“Hey, Sapnap,” Alex rubs the back of his neck. “I guess I’ll see you later, Karl. Have a good time tonight.”

A part of Karl doesn’t want him to leave, but the grip on his side grounds his judgment. He gives Alex a small wave, “You too, Alex.”

George gives him a sad look as they watch Alex walk away. Karl turns to the boy next to him, “What took you so long?”

“Trying to pull these two apart,” Sapnap chuckles, pointing a finger at the couple next to them. Dream elbows him and George throws him a glare. “What?! It’s true! The new year is in an hour, and you can make out all you want then.”

“Oh, come on,” Dream rolls his eyes and grabs George’s hand, “We’re gonna go make out now, just to prove a point.”

“We are?” George asks, looking excited. Dream grins and drags the boy away to an undisclosed part of the house, leaving Sapnap and Karl by themselves.

Sapnap pulls Karl closer by the waist. He swipes down the slope of Karl’s nose with his finger, which makes him giggle, “Wanna go get a drink?”

Karl hums in agreement, not too sure what else to do anyway, and Sapnap leads him to what appears to be the kitchen. There, lines of bottles and punch bowls are sloppily organized on granite countertops, and Karl’s stomach rolls. He’s never been around this much alcohol in his life. Someone elbows him and he scoots closer to the boy next to him for protection.

They make it to the kitchen, and Sapnap is immediately handed a red cup by a blonde with scruffy hair. Karl recognizes him from the game. He bites his lip as Sapnap smirks, “What do you recommend, Punz?”

Punz, Karl now knows him as, grins, “ _Personally_ , I’d recommend you mix them all together, but that might be too much for you.”

“Very clever,” Sapnap rolls his eyes. Karl clasps his hands behind his back as his boy continues, handing his cup back, “Gimme two starters.”

“Coming right up,” Punz laughs. Karl watches him grab one of the larger glass bottles off the counter and pour the clear liquid into two cups. He hands them back to Sapnap. “Let me know if you want a blunt, man.”

“Will do. Thanks,” Sapnap says. He hands Karl one of the cups and with a hand on his waist again, leads him through the house. Sapnap’s hand is about to have a permanent residence there, on his body, and he’s not complaining. He wants him there, guiding him in whatever direction he chooses. God, his hands feel so good, the way his fingertips graze the skin above the waistband of Karl’s jeans as he tries his best not to spill his cup. He’ll never get enough.

They make it down to the basement without incident. It’s pretty empty down here, just a few people talking in small groups, and Karl feels his anxiety evaporating. They sit down on an old-looking couch, their thighs pressed together. Sapnap raises his cup to his lips and raises his eyebrows at Karl. Karl gulps, “Oh, I’ve never…”

“Shit,” Sapnap hisses. “I should’ve known. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I’ll drink it, I just…” Karl hears himself saying. Curse his inability to refuse the boy beside him. “Will it hurt?”

Sapnap chuckles and brings a hand to Karl’s face, fingers grazing his jaw with the soft movement, “You're adorable. It burns at first, especially if you’ve never had vodka before.”

“Vodka?! I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You don’t have to, goofball,” Sapnap chuckles, rubbing little circles in the denim of Karl’s jeans. “No pressure, ever.”

Karl looks at Sapnap for a second more before all of his resolve jumps out of the window. He picks the cup up to his lips, takes a deep breath, and quickly gulps down the alcohol. It does much more than burn; Karl feels like his throat is on _fire_ as soon as he starts to drink, but he can’t stop. He downs the entire cup in one go and coughs like a maniac afterward before his eyes meet Sapnap’s again. The other boy looks slightly amused and very impressed, and he groans, “That…That sucked.”

Sapnap laughs, “You didn’t have to down it all like that! Do you feel okay?”

Karl takes a moment to respond. He feels warm all over like he just spent six hours in the sun, and he’s a bit lightheaded. “I feel good. Really good. Can we go get more?”

Soon, they’ve collectively shared the entire bottle of vodka, and Karl is definitely out of it because in any other reality he would not be dancing on Sapnap in the middle of some stranger's living room. He’s got his hands around Sapnap’s neck, his back pressed to the front of the other, hands on his waist, and they’re swaying to the beat of a song Karl has never heard before. Sapnap occasionally kisses the back of his neck or leans down to whisper something entirely inappropriate in his ear, but other than that he enjoys the way they move together.

“Didn’t know…” Sapnap seems to struggle to speak, “God, when did you learn how to dance like this?”

Karl giggles, “Don’t know. Must be the alcohol.”

“You're so fucking sexy, holy shit,” Sapnap moves his hands up his sides. “Fucking eating me alive. Fucking _killing_ me.”

“Mm,” Karl hums, rolling his hips softly to the beat. The grip tightens. “Sap, wanna do so much with you.”

“Jesus Christ, Karl,” Sapnap groans in his ear. “Fucking want _everything_ with you. M’so infatuated with everything you do, god.”

Karl turns around and kisses him, so violently it feels like a tsunami just crashed over them both. Karl is soaked in the feeling of him, his lips that are too soft to be real, and his tongue that so eloquently swims its way into Karl’s mouth. Karl pants softly into the other's mouth, hands snaking around Sapnap’s neck and into his ebony hair. He’s addicted, addicted to the drug that is kissing Sapnap, and he’s never felt so high. His mind spins with every parting of their lips. They pull apart just to crash into each other, again and again, never drifting for too long.

“Karl,” Sapnap whispers against his lips. His breath puffs against Karl’s mouth. A ghost of another kiss yet to come. “Karl, M’so- “

“New Year in ten minutes!” A voice booms out over the already blaring music. It startles Karl, and he jumps back slightly, pulling Sapnap’s hands off of him. Whatever Sapnap was saying is lost in the void of noise and people scrambling to find someone to spend the last moments of the year with.

His liquid courage kicks in further and he moves closer to Sapnap again. He presses his palms flat on Sapnap’s chest, feeling the solid muscle underneath his tight-fit Henley. “Sap, let’s go outside.”

Sapnap nods and grabs his hand, weaving him through crowds to the front door. Karl bumps into various people on his way, but this time he doesn’t care. He’s too wound up and excited at the prospect of finally having a New Year’s kiss. An ode to the most perfect year with the most perfect boy.

The cold air hits Karl as they make it outside, where there’s no one around but the two of them. Sapnap sits on the stairs leading up to Punz’s front door, and Karl clumsily plops down on his lap, falling over a bit. Sapnap breathlessly laughs, “So uncoordinated.”

“M’drunk,” Karl whines, grabbing Sapnap’s shoulders for balance.

“I know, baby,” Sapnap coos at him. He kisses Karl’s cheek and Karl giggles. “What’s your excuse when you're sober?”

Karl pouts, crossing his arms over his chest, “You’re a meanie. Now I don’t wanna kiss you anymore.”

Sapnap raises his eyebrows, “Oh? I don’t recall you asking me to kiss you.”

“You gotta kiss me, Sappy,” Karl giggles, poking Sapnap’s cheek. “You’re my person.”

“Yeah?” Sapnap looks at him fondly. Karl is jealous of how well he can hold his alcohol.

Karl nods softly, “Yeah. My favorite person.”

Sapnap leans forward and kisses his lips, Karl humming into it. He pulls away just as quickly and presses their foreheads together, wrapping his arms around Karl, “You’re my favorite person too, sweetheart.”

He can hear people counting down in the house. He’s got about thirty seconds until the clock strikes midnight. “Sapnap.”

“Karl,” Sapnap whispers.

“M’drunk,” Karl says, “but I really wanna tell you something.”

Sapnap runs his hands along his sides lovingly, “Yeah? Is it important?”

“Mhm.” Karl nods eagerly.

Sapnap grins. Ten seconds. “Tell me when you're sober, okay? I wanna hear it when you're thinking clearly.”

“M’kay,” Karl says, trying to hide his disappointment. “You're gonna be my New Years' kiss though, right?”

“Yeah, baby,” Sapnap cups his cheek. His hands are always so warm. “Happy New Year, Karl.”

“Happy New Year,” Karl whispers before they lean in. Their lips meet and Karl is hypnotized. A thousand fireworks light up his night sky.

_It’s gonna be a good year._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm my favorite chapter ever PLEASE  
> also quackity and karl met up irl?!!! CRAZYYYYY
> 
> ily guys !


	17. Collapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry in advance !

School is back in session, and Karl isn’t too happy about it.

He starts his morning by getting into Sapnap’s car, the boy offering to drive him now so that he doesn’t have to walk. He’s also got two mugs of hot chocolate in his cup holders upon arrival, and Karl gives him a kiss on the cheek in appreciation.

Their car ride is pretty silent, neither of them fully awake yet. They hold pinkies on the center console and Karl closes his eyes, trying to get a few more moments of sleep. Sapnap wakes him up with a pinch of his cheeks, and they separate when they hit the hallway. Karl wishes he had at least one class with the other boy, just to see him an extra time together.

He eats lunch with him too, avoiding eye contact with his previous table. He texted Tubbo beforehand and told him his new plans, but it was still awkward to see them and not be near them. He’s still a little upset with Tommy, and don’t get him started on Alex.

Lunch is definitely different with the football team. He learns that Sam is a huge sweetheart and although Callahan doesn’t say a word, he gives Karl his grapes without hesitation. He spends the hour pressed against Sapnap, arm around his waist, and it feels so wonderful to be near him. There’s some normalcy because George is there, half on top of Dream, but Karl has decided that he’s no longer afraid of change.

He spends his free period with Sapnap too. Sometimes, he reads to the boy, Sapnap’s head in his lap as he softly translates words off of pages, and other times they spend the time making out in the back of Sapnap’s car. Either way, he’s content with the time and the touch. The invisible string that connects them pulls at his heart whenever they’re away, their tether cutting off his circulation when they stray too far. He wants to be close, so close that their breath mingles with every word they share.

He’s had a good week, he really has, but then Friday comes around and his happiness comes to a halt when his phone buzzes during his last class of the day. He slides his phone off his desk and unlocks it. There’s a text from Alex, and it reads _“Can we meet after school? Courtyard?”_

Karl’s stomach drops. He puts his fingertips to his temples. He totally should talk to the boy, lord knows they need to have a discussion, but he didn’t expect it to be happening now. He replies back with a quick yes and then shuts the device off. He spends the rest of his class in shambles, running through every possible outcome of his impending doom in his head.

When he leaves his class, he heads straight to his locker. Sapnap is standing there, leaning on the metal with his phone in his palms. Karl grins as he strides over, “Hi.”

Sapnap’s eyes flick up and a smile spreads across his face, “Hey, cutie. Have a good rest of the day?”

“Mhm,” Karl hums, opening his locker. Sapnap comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Karl’s torso, nuzzling his nose into Karl’s neck. Karl giggles, “Stop it, weirdo.”

“You like it,” Sapnap counters.

“Maybe,” Karl shrugs. He turns around in the boy's grip, looking up to his pretty face. “I have to go do something right now, so I don’t need a ride home.”

“You sure? I can wait,” Sapnap replies, but Karl shakes his head. The boy leans forward and kisses the top of his head. “Okie dokie, then. See you this weekend?”

Karl nods, “Yeah, of course. See you.”

He watches the boy walk away, Sapnap turning every other step to give him a wink or blow him a kiss. Once he’s out of sight, Karl slams his locker shut and swings his backpack over his shoulder, tightly gripping the straps. He’s not ready.

He spots Alex almost immediately, the beanie he’s wearing is the one that Karl bought him for his birthday last year. His heart pangs. He trudges over to the boy, avoiding the spots in the grass where the snow has partially melted. Alex gives him a soft smile, “Hey, Karl.”

“Hi,” Karl replies. “You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah, just let me…” Alex clears his throat. He rubs his arms nervously and Karl bites his lip. “Karl, the things I said to you before, I know they were a bit harsh. I didn’t mean to come across that way or to create this rift between us, and I’m sorry for that. I just thought you outta know the truth.”

“The truth?” Karl repeats.

“Yeah,” Alex says, “You’ve changed so fucking much, Karl, and it’s so hard to believe you can’t see that.”

Karl scoffs. _Unbelievable._ “I haven’t changed, Alex! Are you kidding me? Did you drag me out here to reiterate your tired theories? Seriously?”

“Tired theories?” Alex raises his eyebrows. “Karl, I have concrete proof-“

“Prove it.”

“You got drunk on New Years,” Alex deadpans. Karl wants to sink into the floor and hide. “Three months ago you would’ve never gone to a party, let alone get drunk and grind on some guy. Or how about you breaking into an aquarium? Skipping school? Karl, you're not blind.”

“He’s not some guy,” Karl argues, his brain only registering that portion of the statement.

Alex laughs, “Oh please, Karl, don’t get me started. He’s fucking using you! Don’t you get it! People like him, they don’t like people like us! People don’t fall for people that quickly! You're so naive-“

“He likes me!” Karl yells, his voice cracking from the sheer terror he’s currently feeling. His head is filling with a thousand negative thoughts. _Is Alex right? Is he too naïve? Why would his best friend tell him these things if they weren't true?_ “He's…He's gotta like me.”

He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he wills them to go away. Alex frowns, “Karl, I’m sorry, but he probably just likes you for the sex or for the attention.”

“I…” He can't breathe. He can't catch his breath. “N-No, you're wrong. You have to be wrong.”

“It’s not normal to go so fast,” Alex says, placing his hand on Karl’s shoulder. Karl’s knees buckle. “Connections don’t happen so quickly. It’s a red flag.”

“A…A red flag?” Karl stutters out. _A red flag_. He feels sick. The poison is catching up to him and there's no antidote around to save him this time. “Alex, wh-why didn’t you tell me this before? Why did you encourage me?”

Alex looks at him sullenly, “Because I didn’t realize before, and I'm sorry for that. I should’ve tried to stop you earlier.”

“Alex,” Karl chokes out. He thinks back to the touches, the kisses, every first he gifted Sapnap in his blind flurry of adoration and desire. The key around his neck burns him. He loses his balance and falls right into the other. He’s splattering on the ground, his parachute failing him. He knew it would. “N-No, Alex- “

“I’m so sorry,” Alex wraps his arms around him as he sobs. “I’m sorry.”

“This isn’t happening,” Karl cries out. His jeans are wet from the snow and he doesn’t care. He’s ruined, absolutely crushed under the debris of heartbreak and truth. Everything comes crashing down at once, and he can’t handle the aftermath. _Sapnap doesn’t care about him. Nick never cared about him._ The mantra repeats in his head, over and over. A broken record. “Oh god, Alex.”

“I know,” Alex shushes him, rocking him side to side. “I’m sorry.”

He’s sorry too. For everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for 13K hits and over 1K kudos ! pls don't hate me !!


	18. Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm very sorry in advance

He feels like a fool.

How could he be so stupid? He’s a complete wreck. The necklace lays on his desk, forlorn. He’s numb, numb to the world around him. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ He’s a fool for even trying out this love thing, and now he’s facing every consequence at once. It’s nuclear warfare in his brain and his shield is broken.

He hasn’t talked to anyone in two days, locked in his room, staring at his wall. His mom has tried to reach out to him, bringing him food and a hug when she’s not at work, but other than that he’s trapped alone with his thoughts. He’s locked in a padded room with every negative idea resonating around him. They bounce off the walls. He needs asylum from his insanity, and he needs it now.

He’s on his bed, curled into himself. He hugs a pillow in his arms and shuts his eyes. Maybe he can sleep it away, the anxiety that climbs his spine like a web. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe tomorrow he’ll understand.

He’s teetering on the edge of comatose when a loud knock is heard from downstairs. He groans and rubs his eyes. He doesn’t wanna move, but he wills himself to crawl out of bed and to the front door.

He yawns as he opens the door, “He-Sapnap.”

Sapnap stands there, a concerned look on his face. Karl tries not to focus on the orange sweater adorning his body, or the lock that lays in the center of his chest, shining in the sun like a spotlight. “Hey. Have you been ignoring me?”

Karl panics, “N-No.”

“I called you five times yesterday. We were supposed to see each other this weekend, remember?” Sapnap raises his eyebrows.

“I was busy,” Karl replies lamely. _When did he become such a liar?_

“Busy,” Sapnap repeats. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah!” Karl says a little too quickly. He rubs the back of his head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re acting very…strange,” Sapnap laughs softly. “Can I come in?”

He takes a step forward and Karl immediately puts a hand to his chest. The lock burns him, “N-No…Please just stay there.”

Sapnap takes a step back again, eyes widening, “Karl, what’s gotten into you? I’m worried- “

“Nothing is wrong!” Karl shouts and instantly regrets instantly when he sees Sapnap’s face fall. He huffs, “I’m sorry, I…I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just…”

“Just?” Sapnap leans down a bit so they’re eye-level. The green haunts him, surrounds him. “Karl, talk to me.”

“I…” Karl exhales. He tears his gaze away. “I talked to Alex.”

Sapnap crosses his arms, his eyebrows furrowed, “And?”

Karl doesn’t even know how to begin. “And…And he told me stuff.”

“Stuff? You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“Stuff about you,” Karl rushes out. He bites his lip. “Stuff about my stupidity.”

“Karl, there isn’t a dimension where you’d be considered stupid,” Sapnap chokes out a laugh. “What is this about?”

“Are you using me?” Karl asks, eyes meeting Sapnap’s again. “Are you just playing with my feelings?”

Sapnap scoffs loudly, “Wh-What? Karl, what the hell? Why would you even ask me that?”

“Because it’s true, isn’t it?” Karl can feel his eyes watering. _Please, don’t cry. Stay strong._ “I’m just some naïve boy that no one will ever love or want to be with. You can just say it, okay? He was right and I was wrong and now- “

“Karl, where the fuck is this coming from? Did Alex say all this shit to you?” Sapnap hisses. He looks pissed, and Karl retreats back a few steps. “I thought you knew, Karl.”

“Knew…Knew what?”

“That I’m in love with you,” Sapnap sighs. Karl’s jaw drops. _Love._

Karl should be happy. He should be over the moon ecstatic because every star he’d been wishing for just aligned right in front of him. He should kiss this boy, tell him everything he’s been feeling for him right now, but he can’t. Alex’s words rebound on him, and he’s left to say one word. His fatal blow in this final battle. “No.”

“What do you mean, no?” Sapnap says. Karl can’t do this. “Karl, I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you wholeheartedly. That night we snuck into the aquarium and I was on the fence and you gave me your hand, that changed everything for me. The part of yourself that you give when you fall in love with someone, I gave it all to you that night.”

“N-No, no,” Karl curls into himself, trying to hide from this overflow. “Stop it.”

Sapnap laughs lightly, a confused smile on his face. He leans closer to Karl again, “Why are you telling me to stop? I mean this, I love you. You have to believe me- “

“Stop it!” Karl pushes him back once more. _Stay away from me, please. You’re killing me._ “You’re not in love with me!”

“Why not?” Sapnap replies. Karl can see the tears in his eyes, and he turns his head. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because…” Karl says. _I’m sorry I can’t believe_ _you_. “Because you’re Nick and…and I’m Karl, and we’re not supposed to be a combination. We’re not supposed to be together.”

“You don’t mean that,” Sapnap’s voice breaks.

“I…I do,” Karl forces himself to say. _I’m protecting myself, can’t you see that?_

Tears run down Sapnap’s face and Karl wants to reach out and wipe them away so badly. He presses his arms to his sides. “Karl, why won't you listen to me. I’m…I’m standing here pouring every emotion I have for you and- “

“This…This isn’t real, okay? Please, please just stop,” Karl holds up a hand. Sapnap sobs harder. “You’re not in love with me. You never were and you never will be.”

Watching Sapnap cry is the hardest thing he’s ever done. He wills his own tears away. “K-Karl, please…”

“You should go,” Karl says. _I really want you to stay._

“Please.”

_I’m sorry._ Karl looks at him one more time. He’s so beautiful, even in tears. A fallen angel. “Goodbye, Sapnap.”

He steps inside his house and shuts the door. He waits for the boy on the other side to leave, to get as far away as possible, before he falls to his knees in the middle of his living room and releases every emotion he’d been holding.

It’s over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pleaseeeeee do not hate me i am very sorry for hurting you all !! i promise it's gonna get better (maybe?)
> 
> anyways... mcc tomorrow? gogy winning three times in a row?
> 
> ily sorry again !


	19. Love

“And you said what?” George asks as he runs a hand through Karl’s hair.

Karl sniffles from where he lays in George’s lap. He had called the boy an hour after the incident, hardly able to speak because of how his tears were drowning him. He feels like he deserves to drown; he’s already sunk so low in his actions and words that coming up for air would seem like an undeserved reward.

“I…” Karl hiccups softly. He curls in on himself more. “I told him we weren’t supposed to be together.”

He can feel the hand not in his hair readjust the blanket that lays over his body, warming him up. He doesn’t deserve that warmth. He wants his heat to rise from an entirely different source. He shuts his eyes as George responds, “Karl, why did you say those things?”

The urge to cry surrounds him again, “Because I was scared. Because I was in my own head…Because I’m naive and stupid and for some reason decided to ruin the best thing to ever happen to me…”

He starts crying again and George pulls him up by his arms so that he can give Karl a hug. Karl wraps his arms around his best friend. “Karl, you’re not naïve. You’ve grown so much these past couple of months! You’re not stupid-”

“D-Dream told me to absorb it and I couldn’t!” Karl lets out through tears. He pushes his head further into George’s shoulder. He doesn’t even deserve to cry. “I am stupid! I’m so, so stupid and I hate myself so much- “

“Karl, stop,” George shushes him, slowly rubbing circles on his back. “You need to breathe and tell me where this is coming from. Last week you guys were fine.”

He does as he’s told and takes a deep breath. The air that fills his lungs feels lethal, unjust. “I-I talked to Alex about it and- “

“Wait,” He feels George stiffen. “Alex?”

“Mhm.”

“You talked to Alex?” George repeats. Karl looks up at him confused. He nods.

George sits up and softly pushes him off. Karl pulls the blanket over his shoulders more, hugging himself, “What’s wrong?”

“Alex is a bitch, that’s what’s wrong,” George huffs. His eyes snap up to Karl’s, and Karl swears he sees rage in the chocolate irises. “Karl, he lied to you.”

“L-Lied? I don’t understand…”

George throws his head back in frustration, “I can’t believe him! What an _asshole!_ I’m gonna beat his ass next time I see him; I swear on my- “

“George,” Karl exhales, cutting the other off. He bites his lip, “What’s going on?”

George takes his hands in his own. “When I talked to Alex a few weeks ago, he made me swear not to tell you what I’m about to tell you, but I’m gonna tell you because he’s a big selfish jerk that does deserve- “

“George!”

“Sorry, sorry,” George says. He squeezes Karl’s hand, and Karl watches the way his bracelet reflects in the moonlight shining through his window. His heart sinks as he fights the urge towards the key. “Karl, Alex likes you.”

Karl freezes. The gears in his brain slowly stop turning until his left with the nothingness that is shock. He’s in shock. “Wh-What?”

“Yeah,” George’s lips curl inward.

“He…He likes me? Like, romantically?” He repeats and George nods. He’s dumbfounded, permanently. “Why?”

George laughs softly, “What do you mean why? You’re a wonderful person, and you’re smart, and you’re attractive. You could have anyone you wanted, Karl.”

“I don’t want just anyone,” Karl frowns. The one person he wants is gone. “Why would Alex lie to me like that?”

“Because he was jealous, probably,” George shrugs. He lets go of Karl’s hands in favor of pushing his hair out of his face. “He saw how close you two were getting and how you felt about him.”

“How I felt about him?” Karl chokes out. “I was still in the process of figuring it out, honestly. I…”

“Karl, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret so I can spare you some precious time,” George says before grinning. “You love him. You love Sapnap.”

Karl’s eyes widen, “I-I do?”

“You do.” George nods.

He thinks about it for a moment, his mind backtracking to the day they met, the first time Karl saw those green eyes. The feeling of heat, pricking on his skin and running through his veins when they touched. The force field that radiated around him when Sapnap was near, the pain he felt when he was gone, it all culminates inside of him until it rushes out in the form of tears. He’s in tears again, his epiphany arising. “I love him.”

George claps his hands, “You do! You do!”

“I love him,” Karl says again. He looks at his desk, at the shiny key that lays there. “Oh god, what did I do? How do I fix it? I need to fix this.”

“Tomorrow, you find him,” George instructs, and Karl hangs off of every word. “You find him, and you tell him. Don’t hold anything back.”

Karl nods. He can do that. He can feel his anxiety threatening to rise, but he pushes it down. He has to tell him everything, has to absorb this newfound feeling until he’s overflowing with its power. He needs Sapnap back, and he intends on righting all his wrongs. He has to.

“And Alex?” Karl asks.

George looks at him, “I’ll deal with Alex, okay? You focus on getting your boy back.”

_My boy._ Karl giggles, “I can’t believe I’m in love. I never thought…”

George leans forward and ruffles his curls, “I’m extremely happy for you! What does it feel like?”

“It feels,” Karl blushes. “It feels warm, like when you’re cold and you take a sip of hot chocolate and it warms your insides. He makes me feel like that. He’s a shelter.”

George smiles, “Amazing.”

Karl pulls the blanket off of him and scoots off his bed. He walks over to his desk and grabs the necklace, swinging it around his neck, reclasping it. He immediately feels so much better.

Tomorrow. He can do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello wonderful people ! just wanted to let you know this story has about 6 chapters left...
> 
> on another note though, i have a bunch of new story ideas, so stay tuned for more karlnap as well as snf !!
> 
> love you !


	20. Locks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was told that apologizing makes it worse so i will not say that and instead just tell you that i have a tissue box on hand if you need it.

Karl is terrified.

He spends the majority of the school day fixated on Sapnap, what he’s going to say to the boy and how he’s going to react. He flips through scenarios like rapid fire. He needs this to go perfectly. It’s going to go perfectly.

He looks for the boy at lunch, but Sapnap proves difficult to find when hiding. He’s nowhere in sight and Karl gives up quickly, opting to talk to him before he has football practice later. The championship game is on Friday, the most important game of the season, and Karl is hoping that he can give Sapnap some inspiration before he goes out on the field. He knows his boy is gonna do really well and he hopes he can see it.

He watches the clock carefully; the second hand seems to slow down the closer it gets to the class being over. Karl huffs. His knee bounces under the table and he tugs on the key around his neck. He’s pretty sure his nervous energy is obvious because his teacher gives him a strange look. He blushes and bites his lip, not liking the extra attention. He keeps his head down after that.

Soon after, class is dismissed, and Karl grabs his bag off the ground and makes a run for it. Of course, his final class is at the furthest point from the fields, which means more physical activity for Karl, but he’s determined. He runs through the halls, dodging and weaving through crowds of people to reach the backdoors. He reaches them and pushes them open, cold air hitting his face.

He spots Dream, helmet in hand, walking across the field. His face lights up, and he jogs towards him, “Dream!”

The blond turns his head, a curious look on his face. He smiles, “Hey, Karl. What are you doing out here?”

“M’looking for Sapnap. Have you seen him?” Karl asks, rocking on his heels. He watches the axe charm that peeks out of Dream’s uniform catch the sunlight, and he grins. He can’t wait to see the lock to his key.

“Oh,” Dream’s face falls slightly, but Karl doesn’t notice, blinded by happiness. “He’s in the locker room, but I wouldn’t- “

“Thanks, Dream!” Karl says before turning away.

“Karl, wait!” He hears Dream call after him, but he doesn’t have time to turn around. He’s gotta go, gotta find his person and get him back. He runs to the small building next to the field and walks inside. He’s slightly intimated since everyone walking past him tower over him. He feels super small and kind of grossed out by the scent of sweat hitting his nose, but he pushes past that. He’s on a mission.

Some of the players give him looks, but Sam gives him a smile and he returns it as he makes his way to the heart of the locker room. His heart is thumping in his chest, getting louder with every step he takes. The words are on the edge of his tongue, so close to slipping off and falling out for everyone to see, but he doesn’t care anymore. He’s not afraid anymore.

He’s practically bouncing with excitement as he rounds the corner, “Sap- “

He stops. He stops himself and stares. His jaw hangs and he thinks back to two months ago when he was free from this pain. Sapnap stands there, hands-on a girl’s hips, their lips pressed together, and Karl feels his heart shatter into a million pieces all over the floor.

He watches Sapnap pull away and push the girl back with wide eyes, “K-Karl- “

“I love you too,” Karl exhales. He reaches to the key around his neck and pulls it off. He drops it on the floor.

“Karl, wait!” Sapnap yells as he turns and walks away. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he shrugs it off. “Karl, please, let me- “

Karl turns around with foggy vision, “It’s okay. It’s fine.”

Sapnap’s mouth hangs open and he seems to struggle with what to say. Karl can’t stay here any longer. “Karl… “

“I-I just thought you should know,” Karl chokes out. He hugs himself tightly and takes small steps backward. “I just thought I should tell you that I love you.”

“Karl…”

“Please,” Karl’s voice breaks. “Just let me go.”

Sapnap reaches out to him, but he backs up more. He holds up his hand, and Sapnap stops moving. He gives the boy in front of him a sad smile before turning around and walking away, leaving every ounce of happiness and acceptance in the locker room with the boy he once had.

Later on, he’ll cry. He’ll scream into his pillow in shame and regret. Later, he’ll feel everything. He’ll feel the sadness and the guilt and the remorse for his heart, his heart that he so recklessly let break. He’ll see the image of Sapnap’s lips on someone else’s over and over again, elliptically orbiting like unaligned planets. He’ll crumble and fall apart, and nothing will be there to fix it. Later, George will come over and he’ll sob into his best friends’ neck until his throat is sore and he’s dehydrated, but it won’t help. Nothing will help him. He'll ask George why it hurts so badly, and George will tell him that it was real. _It was real._ But that’s all for later.

For now, he walks across the field, head down. He feels numb to the world, but more prominently, he feels cold. So, so cold. Nothing turned out the way he planned, and now he’s leaving with a knife to the heart. Death by a thousand cuts would feel better than this. He never wants to go through this again.

He lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you are all okay i'm very sorry (whoops i have to say it) for another angsty chapter 
> 
> playlist coming next chapter if i remember !!!


	21. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW //blood, injuries

Karl really doesn’t want to be here.

He sits on cold bleachers, the scarf thrown around his neck suffocating him. It’s cold, too cold to be outside. The sound of the marching band and cheerleaders screaming bombard his eardrums. He shouldn’t be here, he should be at home, laying on his floor and wallowing in his own pity.

George dragged him here on the promise that he could talk to Sapnap after the game, and Karl argued that that was the worst plan ever, but he’s still here. The pull to see Sapnap is still too strong, his codependency still at an all-time high. Even if he were to try and fix what happened, it wouldn’t change anything. He still rejected Sapnap, and Sapnap still kissed someone else. All is fair in love and war, and he’s gotten his karma now. He doesn’t have anything to gain.

But he stays, sitting next to George. He folds his hands in his lap and watches as the opposing team runs out on the field and claps when he spots his school's team. He sees Sapnap, crisp bandana pulling back his curls, classic black lines on his cheeks. Karl knows the smile plastered on his face is fake, for he’s seen the real thing up close and personal. He used to be a reason for that smile. He misses that smile.

He can tell Sapnap is focused by the way he faces forward, eyes not wandering. Dream walks next to him, waving at the crowds. Karl feels nervous about them.

He watches as Sapnap sets his helmet on the bench in front of where Karl is. Karl curses George for making them sit so close because when Sapnap looks up to take a drink from his water bottle, he locks his eyes with Karl’s. Karl wants to look away, to spare himself from this awkward encounter, but he can’t. Sapnap drops his water bottle, his jaw hangs open, and Karl feels exposed.

Minutes pass, their eyes still connected, neither one of them strong enough to look away, the feeling of being interlocked too strong to pass up. Karl knows he may never get the opportunity again; he’ll never have the courage to look Sapnap in the eye after this. Sapnap looks away first, the sound of a whistle blowing somewhere in the distance pulls his attention away, but Karl doesn’t. He watches as Sapnap secures his helmet over his head and runs out into his starting position.

Karl really doesn’t understand how football games work, but by the scoreboard and the frustrated energy radiating across the field, he can tell that they’re not doing very well. They keep losing the ball, Sapnap dropping it every time it gets passed to him. The boy has been tackled multiple times now, each blow more painful looking than the last. He fumbles the ball consistently and Karl winces with every point the opposition scores. By halftime, they’re pretty far in the rear. He sees the cheer squad walking mid-field, the blonde sticking out in his vision, and his stomach twists.

In truth, he feels partially responsible for Sapnap’s terrible gameplay, which is why he nudges George with his elbow, “Give me your keys.”

“What? Why?” George asks. “Half time is almost over. They’re gonna turn it around.”

“That’s exactly why I want to go,” Karl explains. _He needs to go._ “I think…I think I’m throwing him off.”

George laughs, “What? That’s ridiculous, Karl.”

“It’s not. I know I am,” Karl says, shaking his head. He holds out his hand. “Please, George.”

George grumbles and fishes his keys out of his pocket, slapping them in the palm of Karl’s hand. “Fine, but you owe me for leaving me here alone! You’re not gonna get your chance if you leave, Karl.”

The whistle blows and Karl stands. He turns to George, “I never had one.”

He scoots past people to the end of the bleachers and slowly walks down the steps. He grips the keys in his right hand. The action around him fades, his focus only on getting out of here and to George’s car without bringing any unwanted attention to himself. He crosses in front of the larger row of seats, eyes directly forward. Hopefully, Sapnap can succeed now. He’s gonna do amazing without Karl there.

Of course, Karl’s concentration is on one thing, which means he’s not paying any mind to the things that are happening around him. He misses the sound of the whistle and the crowd screaming, and he completely fails to notice the ball being hurled in his direction until he looks sideways. By the time he’s aware, he has no time to react, and the ball comes at him full force, hitting him directly in the face.

And that would’ve been fine, he could’ve dealt with that embarrassing moment, but the ball hits him, and he loses his balance. He falls backward and his head smacks the metal of the bleachers. He immediately feels nauseous, the hollowing sound sickening. He lays on the ground, his vision splotchy. He hears people crowing around him, asking him if he’s okay, but he can’t bring himself to talk. His head throbs, as does his face. He’s pretty sure he’s bleeding; he opens his mouth to try and respond, and the metallic taste of red touches his tongue.

“Move! Move!” He hears someone yelling, people part ways around him. Someone kneels beside him and cradles his head softly. “Karl. Karl, baby, open your eyes.”

Karl forces his eyes to focus. He can make out black hair, that white bandana, those green eyes. He loves those eyes. “S…Sapnap?”

“Hey,” Sapnap says, hand on Karl’s cheek. “Help is on its way, okay? Try to stay still.”

“Hurts,” is the only word Karl can manage. He feels lightheaded. He’s floating.

“I know, I know,” Sapnap shushes him softly. “You’ll be okay.”

“Sap, I…” Karl chokes out before his stomach rolls again. The noise around him slowly starts to fade out. He looks up at Sapnap again, but he can’t really make him out anymore. He hates this feeling, he’s so uncomfortable and he knows he’s gonna end up at the hospital which makes it ten times worse. He slowly trails his hand to where Sapnap’s is on his cheek, squeezing it before letting go.

His world turns black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for 20k !! absolutely insane !
> 
> i can give you the good news that this is the last angsty chapter lol (or is it??)
> 
> but seriously thank you guys so much for all the love ! if you ever wanna hmu or ask me questions feel free to !! <333


	22. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// hospitals

Karl slowly opens his eyes. His body feels strange, like he’s been frozen in a capsule for some time. Someone is holding his hand.

The room he’s in is white, bright light instantly blinding him. Awareness kicks him; He’s in the hospital. He can hear the monitors beeping beside him, the subtle feeling of tape near his elbow and on his face, and he starts to breathe hard. He hates hospitals, hates doctors, and he’s immediately so uncomfortable with the atmosphere that he wishes someone would sedate him or something just so he doesn’t have to deal with any of this.

He’s hyperventilating now and he tries to sit up, but his head instantly throbs. His hand is squeezed softly, grounding him, “Karl, hey. Look at me. Look at me and breathe.”

Karl turns his head, eyes wide. Sapnap sits at his bedside, football jersey still on, paint smudged across his face. He looks disheveled, but his face is placid. Karl opens his mouth to speak, but his throat is too dry. He chokes slightly and Sapnap raises his eyebrows. 

“Oh shit! Here,” Sapnap says. He lets go of Karl’s hand, and Karl frowns. It’s instantly much colder in the room. Sapnap reaches over to the table beside the bed and picks up a cup. He puts it up to Karl’s lips and Karl takes a sip, his throat instantly feeling much better. “Okay now?”

“Mhm,” Karl nods. He blindly reaches for Sapnap’s hand and the other boy takes it, caressing the back with his thumb. He’s much warmer now. “What happened?”

Sapnap gives him a soft smile, “You hit your head and passed out. You have a mild concussion, and your nose is broken. You’ve been asleep for a few hours. You don’t remember?”

“Not really,” Karl sighs. He lets his head sink further into the pillow. “I remember…I remember you weren’t doing your best and I thought it was my fault, so I left. I remember…you called me baby.”

He watches Sapnap go pink, “I…I did call you baby, yes. I was scared.”

“Scared?” Karl repeats.

Sapnap’s other hand comes up to cradle his face softly. He pushes some of the hair off of Karl’s forehead, the touch relaxing him. “Yeah. I watched you fall, Karl. It could’ve been way more serious and I…”

“Karl?” Another voice speaks out into the room. Sapnap pulls his hands away and Karl looks up. George is looking at him, sitting on Dream’s lap in the chair in the corner of the room. Dream is asleep, his blond hair flopped over his face and his arms wrapped around George’s middle, and Karl spots Alex on the floor next to him, snoring quietly. Karl smiles as best as he can- His friends are here.

George places a kiss on the side of Dream's head before slowly sliding off of his lap. He walks over to Karl’s other side and smiles, “Hey, buddy. You feeling okay?”

Karl nods, “Head hurts. A little uneasy. Where’s my mom?”

“She was here earlier but she looked tired, so we sent her home. She’ll be here later,” George says. He sets a hand on Karl’s arm. “I’m glad you’re alright, Karl.”

“Me too,” Karl agrees. “I’m glad you’re all here.”

“Of course,” George grins. He looks over at the other people in the room, who are all awake now. Alex gives him a small smile and he returns it. George taps his arm softly and he looks at him, “Hey, I think we should go find a vending machine. Sapnap? Babe?”

Dream rubs his eyes and stands, “Sure, I could eat.”

“You can always eat,” George rolls his eyes before raising his eyebrows at Sapnap, who also stands. “We’ll be back, okay?”

Karl nods. Dream passes the bed and softly pats his calf, giving him a smile. He leaves the room with George, and Sapnap leans over and kisses his forehead softly, “See you in a little.”

“M’kay,” Karl hums. He leans back again as Alex stands up awkwardly, brushing his pants off. He slowly walks over to the bed and takes the seat that Sapnap was sitting in. It doesn’t feel the same, definitely not as comforting, but Karl still looks at him, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Alex responds. He adjusts the beanie on his head. “There’s so much I want to say right now. So much I need to say.”

Karl bites his lip, but the pull hurts his nose. He hisses, “Go ahead.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex starts. He folds his hands in his lap. “I’m a fucking asshole and I know that. I really, really know that.”

“I know that too,” Karl hums. “I just want to know what changed, Alex. You were so… supportive at first.”

Alex licks his lips, “I was really happy for you, and I still am, but the day you told me about Sapnap just…hurt me a lot. The more you talked about him and the things you said about him, I guess they made me realize that I would never have a chance with you. You’d never talk about me like that, never think of me as more than your friend, and it hurt. And the closer you got, the more I felt pushed away, and that’s not your fault, not at all. I was jealous and I acted like a fucking jerk because I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to handle my feelings and I lost control. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Alex,” Karl chokes out, “You should’ve just talked to me. I didn’t mean to push you away.”

“I know,” Alex smiles. “I’m so sorry. I’ll never be able to say it enough.”

Karl slides his hands across the sheets and grabs Alex’s hand, “I forgive you, Alex, and I’m sorry too.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Karl,” Alex squeezes his hand. “I love you, so much. Don’t hit your head ever again, please. Nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Karl laughs softly, “I won’t, I won’t. I swear. And I love you too.”

Everything is gonna be okay. Things are looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> playlist next chapter i promise :)


	23. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5mfGkS443UYcHj67JTiy9e

Going to school with a concussion is not fun, Karl learns quickly.

The lights in the hallway are much too bright, his head throbs throughout the day, and he can't focus on anything his teachers say. He feels like a fool, walking around school with a huge bandage over his nose and bruises around his eyes. By the time lunch comes around, he’s in too much pain to have an appetite and instead decides to hide in the quiet of the library.

He was released from the hospital Saturday morning and spent the rest of the weekend laying in bed, wasting away. George and Alex came over a few times to keep him company, and that was nice. He’s so happy to be friends with Alex again, even if it’s a tad bit awkward between them now. It’s weird; Karl still can't comprehend that Alex liked him like that, but he tries to be understanding about it, he really does.

  
He’s got his head at a strange angle on his usual table in the back of the library, his eyes shut. There’s no one in here, thank god, and Karl is extremely drained. He’s thankful for the peace, even if he only gets an hour of it. He slowly feels himself falling asleep, the dull beating of his head subsiding.

Until the sound of metal startles him. He lifts his head, and there’s Sapnap, standing above him with a soft smile on his face. His grey sweater clings to his body and Karl licks his lips. “Hey, Karl.”

“H-Hi,” Karl breathes out.

Sapnap scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, “I…I was wondering if we could go somewhere and talk?”

_Talk_. The word echoes in his brain and suddenly, he feels very nervous. He tries to collect himself as he answers, “Y-Yeah, sure. Do you have somewhere in mind?”

Sapnap nods and beckons for him to stand, so he does. He grabs his backpack and follows the boy out of the library and to the parking lot. It’s embarrassing, how fast he reacts to whatever Sapnap says. He’d probably jump off a cliff if the boy told him to, even now, and he would enjoy every second of his suspense through the air. He climbs in Sapnap’s car and sits there silently as the boy drives them to an undisclosed location.

It’s awkward, to say the least.

When the car comes to a halt, Karl sits up in his seat. They’re at the park, the one where they went ice skating together for the first time. Karl’s heart swells with the memory of holding Sapnap’s hands, the closeness of their faces on the hard ice. He misses that day more than anything.

Sapnap gets out of the car and he follows. They walk to a bench that is placed under an oak tree, overlooking the lake. He watches Sapnap take a seat there and he repeats the action, butterflies swarming his stomach. He needs to be careful here; One wrong word, one wrong move, and everything could really be over, and Karl really doesn’t want that.

“Can I ask why?” Sapnap breaks the ice, looking at Karl. His eyes are full of pain.

Karl bites his lip, “I’m…insecure, and my head was full of all these negative thoughts. I don’t know. It’s just hard to believe…”

“Believe what?” Sapnap asks.

Karl looks him in the eye, “That you could ever love me.”

Sapnap leans back on the bench. He seems to think for a moment that lasts forever, and Karl is worried that he already screwed up when he says, “Can I tell you a story?”

Karl nods, and Sapnap takes a deep breath. “It was April of last year, and I had just finished with practice. I’m a jerk sometimes and I like to mess with Dream, so I stole his phone and bolted out of the locker room at full speed, and he chased me all the way to the courtyard. I was out of breath, but I was determined to keep from him for as long as possible.”

He pauses, licks his lips. Karl is enchanted.

“I was doing great, but then I saw this boy sitting out there on one of the picnic tables, and I just…stopped moving. His head was down in some large book and he had a really thick looking sweater on even though it was the middle of fucking _April_ , and I couldn’t even really see his face, but right then my legs stopped working and my lungs just…deflated,” Sapnap explains. Karl is a little confused, but he doesn’t interrupt. “Of course, in my haze, Dream tackled me and snatched his phone back. He started yelling at me, and that caused the boy to look up. It…It only lasted for a second, not even, but the moment I saw his face, his eyes, I was a goner for him. It sounds so stupid now, cause I didn’t even know his name at the time, but, I was determined to learn everything about him.”

“What happened?” Karl asks.

Sapnap laughs breathlessly, “Then I ran into you in the hall and I thought I had fucked up my one chance with _the_ Karl Jacobs.”

“Wait,” Karl holds up his hands. “The boy was…me?”

Sapnap nods, “Karl, I’ve been in love with you for a long time, it just started from far away. I do love you, I really do, and when you rejected me, I…I lost a huge part of myself that I’d been building for a while.”

Karl lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, “Sapnap, I…I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot.”

Sapnap raises a hand to cup his cheek. “I am too. I shouldn’t have kissed that girl. I was just…heartbroken and I didn’t know how to handle it. She is nothing, and you are everything. Everything.”

“I love you so much,” Karl admits. He places his hand on top of Sapnap’s. “I don’t ever want to lose you. Never again.”

He leans forward and Sapnap wraps his arms around Karl’s body, engulfing him. He’s so warm, so right to the touch, and feels so good to be back here again, back home. He could cry, the feeling of coming together again so overwhelmingly perfect. He smells like familiarity, like safety and comfort wrapped into an effervescent human being. Karl never wants to part ways again.

“I wanna kiss you so badly right now,” Sapnap whispers in his ear. Karl giggles. “Why do you have to be so clumsy?”

Karl looks up at him, “It got us here, didn’t it?”

Sapnap laughs. It’s the most beautiful sound in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello beautiful people !! i hope you're having a wonderful day/night !!  
> since this story is coming to an end, i decided to start a new one ! its called "Unforseen" and it's a karlnap royalty au, and if you want to check it out the first chapter is already up !!
> 
> love you guys !!


	24. Nail Polish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me: i hate romance  
> also me: *writes this chapter*

Karl rocks on his heels in front of the door, bag thrown over his shoulder.

He’s quite nervous, he will admit. He goes to his friends’ houses all the time, but he hardly ever sleeps over. Besides, Sapnap isn’t really his friend, per se. They haven’t talked labels yet, not that Karl is interested in rushing anything. They just made up a few weeks ago, slowly getting back to the way they were before. He’s happy.

Happy and nervous. He knocked on the door a few moments ago, and his anxiety builds with every second he stands outside. Sapnap’s house is quite large, wide with two stories, and Karl is a little intimated.

Finally, the door swings open. Sapnap stands there, hair loosely twisting in front of his eyes, white tee and grey sweats clinging to his body. He bears a bright smile and Karl looks him up and down as subtly as possible, his body flushing with how hot the other boy is. “Hi, Karl.”

Karl grins. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Sapnap’s torso, instantly feeling warmer. He buries his head in the other’s neck, “Hi, babe.”

Sapnap jolts against him, “B-Babe? That’s a new one.”

Karl pulls away, “I figured I’d try it out. Is that okay?”

“Okay?” Sapnap repeats, eyebrows raised. He softly pats Karl’s cheek before leaning down to kiss it. Karl giggles softly. “You can call me whatever you want, baby. I liked it.”

“You may regret that later,” Karl laughs. Sapnap shakes his head and grabs his hand, pulling him into the house. He’s instructed to take his shoes off by the door, so he slips off his converse, the backs folding over. Sapnap’s house has a rustic feel to it, and it’s quite cozy despite how large it seemed on the outside. He gets a short tour, and Karl particularly likes the large, stainless steel kitchen. He also realizes that they are alone, no parents around, and it makes Karl all tingly inside.

Sapnap leads him up the stairs and pushes the first door to the left open. Sapnap’s room is exactly how Karl imagined it. It’s dark in color, neatly arranged. There’s a record player in the corner and pictures on the walls. It smells like old spice and candle wax. Karl loves it.

“What do you think?” Sapnap asks, scratching the back of his head.

Karl nods, “It's perfect. I feel like I’m…surrounded by you.”

Sapnap flops on his bed and pats next to him, so Karl sits as well. Sapnap lays down and pulls him closer, and Karl lays his arm over Sapnap’s chest, hand directly on his heart. He buries his nose in Sapnap’s hair. The hand around his waist rubs circles on his skin. Sapnap whispers in his ear, “Now you’re really surrounded by me.”

Karl elbows him in the ribs with a grin, “You’re a nimrod.”

Sapnap laughs before flipping them over, Karl’s back flat on the bed. Sapnap leans over his face on one arm and runs a hand through Karl’s hair with his free hand, “You love it.”

“Maybe,” Karl beams as he leans forward.

Sapnap’s eyes trace his face before landing on his lips, “You’re a liar, Karl Jacobs.”

Karl licks his lips, “You love it.”

Sapnap laughs before kissing him sweetly on the mouth. It feels so nice to kiss him again, like fresh oxygen hitting his lungs. He cleansed as they part to meet in the middle again, never staying apart for too long. Karl loves every second of this. It never gets too heated, staying perfectly tranquil between the two of them. They kiss and kiss until Karl can no longer feel his lips, and then they kiss some more.

“I love you,” Sapnap whispers against his lips as he pulls away. Their noses brush.

Karl closes his eyes, taking everything in. He swears his head is in the clouds. “I love you too.”

Sapnap kisses both of his eyelids before he pulls away entirely, leaving Karl to freeze. He opens his eyes. Sapnap smiles down at him, “You hungry?”

“Depends,” Karl shrugs. He sits up and leans back on his palms. “Are you cooking?”

“Ouch,” Sapnap mocks offense. “Since when did you get so sassy?”

“Since we started dating,” Karl says without thinking. His eyes widen as he registers what just came out of his mouth. His hands cover his face, “I didn’t mean to say that.”

Sapnap is silent for a moment before he grabs Karl’s wrists and pulls his hands away. He tilts his head, “Dating, you say?”

“Stop,” Karl whines. He tries to pull his hands away, but Sapnap holds tighter. “Sap…”

“No, no,” Sapnap smirks. He looks deadly. “Go on, tell me all about how we’re dating. Continue, please.”

Karl pouts, “You’re making fun of me.”

“Of course,” Sapnap hums and pecks his lips softly. “If you want to date me, Karl, you gotta ask.”

Karl throws his head back. “You’re the worst person ever.”

“And you love me anyway,” Sapnap replies. He lets go of Karl’s arms in favor of cupping his cheeks. “Ask me.”

Fear rushes through Karl, but he knows he has no reason to be afraid. The boy next to him is beautiful, the best type of sickness in the world. He knows he is infected with the feeling of Sapnap’s love, and he knows he won’t get rejected. The angel smiles, and he takes a deep breath, feeling blessed to be able to gaze upon his heavenly presence. He rushes out, lets it fall out of his mouth, “Will you be my boyfriend? Please?”

Sapnap thumb traces Karl’s lip and Karl melts, “I’d like nothing more.”

Karl turns his head, “You’re a jerk, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sapnap grabs his hand and pulls him off the bed to his feet. “Cmon boyfriend let's go make some food.”

Later, they sit on Sapnap’s carpet, Karl in between Sapnap’s legs. There are multiple bottles on the floor, and Karl scans them all. Sapnap really wanted to do this, even though Karl has never even thought of such an activity in his life. He doesn’t have a problem with it, but it's foreign.

Sapnap kisses his shoulder, “Pick already. You’ve been staring for like ten minutes.”

“It's an important choice,” Karl rolls his eyes. He picks up two of the bottles. “This one is lilac, and I like lilac, but this one is grey, and that’s my favorite color. Why do you have so many choices?”

Sapnap laughs, “Because when I told my mom I wanted to paint my nails, she bought me every color she could find to show her support. I think you should go lilac.”

“Are you sure?” Karl turns his head.

“Yes. You would look prettier than you already are,” Sapnap chuckles. Karl blushes. “Now turn around so I can get started.”

Karl turns to face Sapnap, his boyfriend. He puts his legs over the other boys and holds out his hands. It’s a tedious process, painting nails, and Karl quickly learns that. Sapnap yells at him whenever he moves too much and at one point he touches his pinky when it's not dry, which earns him a lecture. It’s cute though because Sapnap’s tongue pokes between his teeth with every swipe of the little black brush to nail. Karl  
kisses his cheeks every so often in appreciation, which earns him blushes in return. By the time he’s done, Karl’s butt is numb and his nails are a pretty shade of purple.

Sapnap hands him the black bottle and Karl’s face scrunches, “What's that for?”

“Me,” Sapnap holds up his hands. “Boyfriends that paint nails together, stay together. You’ve never heard that saying?”

“No,” Karl deadpans. He stares at the bottle in his hand. “I don’t know how to paint nails, Sap.”

“It’s not that hard, baby. You can do it,” Sapnap encourages. He raises his eyebrows and Karl huffs, grabbing his wrist. He opens the bottle, and a huge amount of paint gets on the brush, so he takes some of it off on the side before applying it to Sapnap’s pointer finger in sleek strokes. Karl can feel his boyfriend’s breath on his face with how close they are, and he smiles. He gets a little on his skin, but other than that, he does a pretty good job.

While they wait for Sapnap’s nails to dry, they sit on Sapnap’s bed and chat about absolute nothingness. It’s actually calm, being at Sapnap’s house, which isn’t what he expected. He sits on Sapnap’s lap as they laugh at stupid memes on the boy's phone. Karl is so gone for him, so in love, and every second they spend pressed together amplifies that. He leans back against Sapnap, “Babe?”

“What's up?” Sapnap says in his ear.

Karl looks up at him fondly, “I just wanted to tell you something…”

“What is it?” Sapnap laughs. He squeezes Karl’s sides and kisses the top of his head.

Karl giggles, “Just wanted to tell you that I love you a lot.”

“I know,” Sapnap smiles. He lifts his hand to brush through Karl’s curls. His ring glistens in the light. “I love you too. Forever.”

He presses their foreheads together.

Forever sounds perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter !!! i hope you all enjoyed this fluffy chapter since you deserved it !!
> 
> on a more serious note, i did see a karlnap ff on here that was pretty similar to this book, which made me really sad. i know high school au's are common, but even the timeline of events are pretty similar. i just want to say that copying other authors book ideas isn't cool !! if you're inspired to create something based off of this book or any thing really, you should give credit where its due ! my dms are literally always open on twitter or tumblr if you wanna ask me permission for something, and I'm always happy to talk to you guys because it means a ton to me when i can inspire you to create something !!! thank you again, i really appreciate and love you all !!!
> 
> -edit: the situation above has been handled in a super mature and awesome way and i really appreciate it !! like i said, dms always open if you wanna talk about creating something based on this book lol i’ll probably say yes !!


	25. Intrigue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was very bittersweet, writing this !! read the end note for all my sentimental shit !

Karl’s life is still quite simple. 

He’s still got some of the highest grades in his class. He still enjoys playing chess, and he even taught Dream how to play so that he has a worthy opponent. He’s still on the debate team, although it’s a little chaotic now with Tommy being President. The boy is good at his job, and he’s passionate about it, and that makes Karl happy. He’s happy to see his friends do well. 

Some things are different about Karl, though. He’s got a larger group of friends now. Half the football team sits with his little group of nerds now, Callahan and Sam and Punz scattered between Tubbo and Fundy. They all get along wonderfully, which is surprising to Karl at first. They find new things to laugh and talk about, and as a plus, they all bully Tommy, which makes every day far more enjoyable. He’s got Alex, who is even closer to him now, and George, who tries his best to pry himself away from Dream whenever he can, not that Karl minds. They’re soulmates and being joined at the hip is just an extension of that. 

Karl also has a love life now, which is going perfectly. He gets it now, love, the feeling so overwhelming that it constantly floods his mind. He’s got the world's best boyfriend, one that drives to his house in the middle of the night when he’s cold and gets him hot chocolate when he's sad. One that gives him infinite hoodies and holds his hands in the halls and kisses him so sweetly that he feels like he’s levitating. Loving Sapnap is like breathing, so easily done that he looks forward to the intake of air that enters his lungs with every inhale. 

His last class of the day is over. He grips his backpack straps as he heads to his locker, pushing through the sea of excited teenagers that fill the hallways. It’s Friday, and Karl has grown to love Fridays. 

He turns the corner and sees Alex standing beside his locker. George is there too, arms wrapped around Dream’s frame. The blond has his chin resting on top of George’s head, arms around his waist. George and Alex appear to be arguing, and Karl rolls his eyes with a fond smile. 

“We’re not going to the fucking beach, George!” Alex yells, waving his arms in the air. “It’s fucking February.” 

“I wanna see the sunset though,” George whines. He looks up at his boyfriend. “Dream, tell him it’s a good idea.” 

Dream shakes his head, “I’m not getting involved in this babe, sorry.” 

George huffs and Dream kisses his cheek. Karl steps closer and George meets his eyes, “Karl! These two are idiots! Please tell them that I have a good idea!” 

“I never said that!” Dream laughs. 

“He’s not gonna agree,” Alex shakes his head. 

Karl turns and opens his locker, “Going to the beach? Personally, I like the idea. It would be nice to sit out on the sand with you guys and watch the sunset and- Ah!” 

He’s interrupted when someone grabs him by the waist and picks him up. He’s spun around once before being placed on his feet again. He turns and sees Sapnap giving him a grin, “Hey, baby.” 

Karl hits his chest softly, “Don't do that, nimrod! You scared me!” 

Sapnap leans in and pecks his lips, “Sorry. You know I’m just excited to see you.” 

Karl hums. He hasn’t seen Sapnap since his free period, which is far too long to go without him. He shuts his locker, “Hey, wanna go to the beach later?” 

“Sure,” Sapnap shrugs, hands-on Karl’s waist still. They never stop touching. Karl doesn’t want to. 

George cheers as Alex groans, “Yes! I win! Fuck you, Alex! I win!” 

Dream rolls his eyes and grabs George’s hand, pulling him away as Alex follows them, continuing to argue against the idea. Karl watches them fondly with a smile. He couldn’t imagine his life without any of these people. He loves them all so much. 

“Hey,” Sapnap says lowly in his ear. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Karl sighs, looking up at him. An angel. “I’m great.” 

He really means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries*- i cant believe this is over ! it has been a pleasure to write this book and i truly appreciate all the love and support from each and every one of you ! i never thought this would blow up as much as it did and im still in a ton of shock every time i see someone mention it on twitter or tumblr or even tiktok !! you all mean the world to me !! please be on the lookout for more stuff from me bc im definitely not done writing !! i love you all so much !!! thank you !
> 
> twitter- @ jilchamp  
> tumblr- @ jiliwastaken


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